


Through Fractured Glass

by Elywyngirlie



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Multiverse, Probably misappropriate use of the Force, Romance, Scientific mumbo jumbo, Slow Burn., Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-06-08 22:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6878194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elywyngirlie/pseuds/Elywyngirlie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren chases Rey across a kaleidoscope of universes until they finally get it right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Visions are in the present. In the post TFA timeline, written in the past. 
> 
> More trash.  
> Honestly, I probably need help at this point.

The first time they met ( _no wait, that’s not quite right)_

The first time he sees her, she’s older than him. He’s timid, thrust into the room by his grim-faced father. He knows what to do--all boys on the cusp of manhood do.

“I’ll not have this marriage go south because of your reticence, boy,” his father menaced as he escorted him to the room. He made sure to have wine ready and when he stumbles in, he doesn’t looked at her, aware of her--God, how could not be--edging over to the table and hastily gulps some wine.

“If you please, my lord, I am parched,” she purrs, her low voice sending his heart galloping. Fumbling, he pours her a cup and turns to face her. He draws in a shaky breath. Regina diSarto reclines on the couch, hidden in rich brocades, the barest edges of her breasts peeking over her bodice, her long auburn waves loose, threaded with pearls. Haltingly, he carries over the cup, sure he was mesmerized. With one small smile, she reaches up a manicured hand and plucks the cup while leaning forward to caress him through his trousers. He jerks away hurriedly.

“Do you prefer men, my lord?,” she inquires blandly, looking at him over the rim of the chalice.

“What? No, no no, of course not,” his cheeks bloom pink with his embarrassment. “I’ve been with women before,” he affirms indignantly, aware of the reddening of his ears, the flush growing down his neck. Regina evaluates him with her mirthful hazel eyes. He believes she must find him amusing and suddenly furious, he grapples with his belt, jerking with the buckle, his sword swinging into his hip.

“Stop,” she commands. “I am not a whore to teach. Your father requested me here tonight to prepare you. Your name is Benito, no?”

“Si, signora,” he mumbles, averting his eyes, twisting his body away as he re-ties his belt.

“You are marrying la comtesse de Rouen? Some French woman Il Papa has decided he needs, correct? Probably for war,” she muses, cupping her chin in her hand. “I hear you bested your masters in warcraft.” Benito smiles quickly, a flash in the darkened room, and sits cautiously.

“I have been with women,” he repeats quietly. "I am not entirely sure what my father hopes to accomplish tonight.” Regina laughs, sultry tones that slither along his skin, raising the hair on his arms.

“What do you know of your wife, my lord? “

“I am much younger than she. She had a husband who died in a battle against the English. She favors the old ways and has welcomed heretics in her lands.”

“Well, now I know why Il Papa has arranged the marriage. But what of _her?_ What is she like?” Ben’s mouth opens and closes several times. He clears his throat. Regina watches him, a knowing gleam in her eyes.

“I will teach you how to please a woman.”

“I know how to.”

“No. You know how to thrust and to come. An older woman knows what she likes. You need to convince her to root out this heresy. A woman in love is more susceptible to entertain unpleasant suggestions.” Regina gestures widely with her hands. Benito’s eyes widen.

“I thought women should be told what to do,” his voice wavering.

“The soldiers you rode with believe that. But your marriage is far more than just reproduction. Although don’t dismiss the importance of sons, my lord. They are ties that bind. Your marriage is about forging alliances. Pleasure must be one of your greatest tools.” She tilts her head at him. “Hesitance is welcome your first time with her. Let her feel as if she is in control.”

Benito licks his lips. He knew his marriage was political, of course, married off at twenty one to thirty three year old woman, never once with child. That gave him ideas of course. He brushes back the locks falling on his face.

“Show me?” he asks tentatively. She smiles wide.

“Correct. Come, undress me,” She beckons him with her pleased gaze, standing up in her gold and scarlet gown, ropes of pearls and rubies winking in the candlelight. A courtesan that moved like water through the nobility of Venice, of Florence, trusted by all. He saw her conviction in her noble brow, her sun-kissed skin, his throat going dry. He knows of the praise for her poetry, but never heard the whispers of her beauty. He had heard nothing of her wisdom. He takes another swallow of wine and comes to stand in front of her.

That night and into the grey dawn, she shows him how to please a woman.

“Pleasure,” she gasps repeatedly.

He learns the landscape of the back of her knees, the taste of the delicate skin where she curves into her thighs, the soft giving texture of her pebbled nipple in his mouth. Patiently, she talks him through how to take her by mouth, found himself an eager student, heard her moan more than once when he suckles at her command.

How to use a feather to tease. How to whisper in the shell of the ear, let a knuckle brush a delicate area to entice. How to gently tie her up (she shows him, kneeling next to him, her throaty voice dictating as her nimble fingers bound his wrists to the bedposts with leather, her skin glistening in the flickering firelight.) The urgency in her voice as she guides his fingers over a hard nub in her slit that he works, rubs, tastes, with reverence, feeling her tighten around him before she pitches forward. At some point, he thinks it is when he is buried to the hilt inside of her, groaning as she moves above him, her hands holding his to her hips--it’s in this moment that he recognizes that he could be in love with her.

“Show me more,” he pleads into her hair. She makes a noncommittal noise as she rolls to face him. She studies his face in the pale dawn light, the stubble on his cheek, the youthfulness in his dark eyes.

“And what will I get in return?,” she responds, lightly caressing his bicep. She already knows she will say yes; he is eager to please and she found herself craving his lips on hers again.

“I hear you have been seeking a sword master,” he replies. “I will be your teacher.” She tips her head to indicate consent after a moment of consideration.

“Our affair ends in two weeks, signor. I cannot follow you to Rouen.” He hears the regret in her words and tightens his arms around her.

“I know.”

“Do not fall in love with me.” As much of a warning for her as for him.

“In all things, signora, think of me only as your apprentice,” he murmurs thickly before lowering his mouth to capture hers.

 

 

 

Kylo Ren jolted forward, his chest heaving, his mind racing. His body ached and he looked down, grimacing, at the stain in his trousers. He body was thrumming under the vividness of the vision.

Leaping up, he stalked toward the shower, ripping off his clothes. He was tired of dreaming of her, had attempted to seek relief in meditation only to be confronted by a vision of her? Of him? Of a different past? He weighed the idea in his mind as he scrubbed himself under the scalding water.

He needed to visit the library. He twisted the knob on the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist as he strode purposefully toward his study. He punched out a short message to Snoke before ordering his shuttle be made ready.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you readers for your encouragement, your kudos, and your kind comments.  
> I needed tissues writing this one.

The second time he sees her, he’s older. His hair his shorter, just brushing the edges of his tweed jacket, his eyes hidden behind wire framed glasses.

She is much different, purple and blue steaks in her waves, her feet shoved into weathered leather boots, a tank top threatening to slip off her shoulders. He shudders at the multiple piercings in her ears and thinks--entitled trust fund brat.

“Simmer down, please. I am about to get started,” he calls, rapping the wooden lectern on top of a chipped formica table. The murmurs die down as the students settle into their seats.

“Now you aren’t freshmen so I’m not going to review the syllabus line by line. This is a graduate level class. I expect commitment from you as professionals. Form my understanding, some of you will be TAs so you’ll soon understand why we all thought you were pains as freshmen.” This gets a few chuckles from the room. He runs his eye down the class list, calling out students' names and asking them to introduce themselves. It’s an intimate group, lab spaces arranged for pairs, soon to be parsed into singles.

“Raleigh Kinsey,” he reads. “Kinsey? Ah, yes. Please don’t blow up anything in this room. I know it was an accident but I _like_ this classroom.” The students snicker and Raleigh grins brilliantly.

"I’ll try to destroy Dr. Stynski’s instead,” she retorts.

“Better. Now let’s discuss your project.”

“I’m doing a double Ph.d in chemistry and physics,” Raleigh began, her voice strong. Her mostly male colleagues snort in disbelief and he sends them stern looks. Tine to have that conversation again, he thought wearily. He gives her an encouraging smile and marvels at how she plows on, ignoring her classmates.

“Please call me Rey. I am intrigued by practical applications especially in helping struggling communities.”

“Wouldn’t an engineering degree be more suited for that line?” he asks.

“I already have a masters in engineering, Dr. Renard,” she replies. He picked up her student profile sheet.

“So you do. Congratulations. Your project?”

“Cold fusion,” her voice clear, keeping her back straight as the men in the class burst into laughter.

“Enough,” he orders coldly. “We are scientists. We do not mock other people’s ideas. We test them and determine their merit.”  He turns his heavy gaze toward Rey.

“You can see, sir, why I requested your class. Your work on formulas to prove fusion is possible at low nuclear energy is important. Cold fusion can help struggling communities.” Her voice is insistent, her eyes alight.

“Your altruism could be your undoing, Ms. Kinsey. And as you know, my work is all in mathematics.”

“And I desire to make the theory practical,” she murmurs gracefully before returning to her seat.

She is his most brilliant student. He found himself asking her to be his assistant and she readily agrees. They work long hours in his office, scratching out equations, tossing a ball back and forth as they talk each other out of ideas, enthusiastically programming simulations into the system.

He was in love with, he realized, late into his date with another chemist, blonde, jaw-droppingly beautiful, in town for a symposium. But not her. Rey with her long hair colored differently each month, her weird pairings of loud shirts and solemn boots, her trust fund kid nonchalance. Her genius. Her conviction that she could change the world.

As his date drones on about the chemical composition of volcanic plumes on Io, Brandon ran his tongue over his teeth and envisions Rey’s tongue in his mouth. He knows it can't happen. He is cordial with her, aware she is dating a Phineas somebody or another. He even know that Phineas had proposed and she had refused, citing a need to finish her degrees. He had held her hand as she tearfully searched his face, asking if it were the right decision. He had told her yes, not recognizing his own selfish motives.

More time to woo her.

More time to convince her to wrap those toned legs around his waist.

He isn’t sure how he made it through dinner with the chemist but he walks her to the hotel, gives her a numb kiss on the cheek, and goes home to jerk himself off at the image of Rey on her knees in front of him.

He cancelled lab with her the next day.

Then the following.

When he was sure the building would be silent, the setting sun casting long shadows over the empty campus, he scurries inside to check his mailbox, to pick up some papers. He ducks into the lab and backs out quickly, Rey leaning on a lab table, her head bent over some papers. The room is dark, her face washed in the blue light of her laptop. Her knee peeks through her tastefully distressed jeans and he holds himself back, pins down the rising hope of administering kisses to that one piece of flesh.

“Dr. Renard, I didn’t hear you come in,” she says quietly and he blows out his breath before stepping into the room, forcing the tension out of his shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Rey. I haven’t been feeling well,” his voice husky. She beckons him forward and points to her laptop screen.

“Our latest simulation has some interesting results.” She is pouring over notes, black framed glasses perched on her nose and he can’t breathe. He catches a hint of her floral perfume, sweat, pine and closes his eyes. He cradles her scent to his heart, locks it away. He can’t forget.

“Renard?” she is asking, her face tilted at him. He bends down to review her screen and frowns. The results are quite interesting. Together they dive into their work, lost in understanding the numbers, until her hand grazes his and the sparks light up the room. They both halt.

Clearing his throat, he points at a graph and she is seizing her hand, rubbing her cheek against it and he is lost. Yanking him to her, his lips seal across hers again and again and again. She is desperate but he is starving. She has no control, her arms winding around him, nails skimming his back and he has her up on the table, taking up space between her legs. Their harsh noises are jarring in the silence and he is grinding against her, she is crying out frantically and he can’t ignore the bliss flowing through him as he caresses her breast through her shirt, feels her warmth beneath her jeans and his fingers are scrabbling for the button.

He finds himself on his knees in front of her, his mouth worshipping her, her neck arched and he is drowning in her skin, the taste of her. As she shakes around him, he is repeating her name like a mantra, like a blind man seeking faith.

The phone trills loudly as he moves his way up, as she grabs for his pants, her mouth leaving a trail of fire on his chest.

It trills again and he sees her eying it, her fingers slowing down.

It trills again.

Phineas lighting up again and again across the screen.

It grows silent and he growls into her hair and she is moving again but she is distracted.

Again it rings and Rey pulls away, her eyes averted.

“I’m sorry,” she mouths as she pushes him away, picks it up and cheerfully answers, “Yeah baby. Yes, I’m finishing up, I’ll be home soon.” He braces himself up on the counter, breathing hard, coldness blooming in his veins. She is full of sorrow, her eyes brimming.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I shouldn’t have…” Backing away from him, fumbling for her hair tie, and he has become remote. He presses his lips together, looks away, hears her rush out the room, the door slamming behind her.

She requests a new adviser.

He doesn't sign the paper.

Standing silent next to her as she accepts a prize for her work in cold fusion for them. Both of their names are on the certificate and he knows that is as close as he will get to her.

He tosses the wedding invitation in the trash and picks up the whiskey.

He is standing next to her when they receive the greatest prize in science for their work, for their breakthroughs, the news crews shoving microphones in their faces, her grin infectious, her belly large, Phineas’s hand hovering over her.  

His blood never warms from that evening.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know cold fusion is a joke but I'm not a scientist (apparently). This is a multiverse so maybe in a parallel universe it isn't.  
> Isn't fiction great? 
> 
> Also, sexism in the sciences is real. Fight it where you can, wherever you can. Lady scientists never get credit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

The third time he sees her, they are young, gleeful, chasing after one another in the long grass, multiple suns lighting a path before frolicking in a pond together. Parents calling them home when the pinks and purples cross the sky and lights dance dizzily in the air around them. Scabbed elbows, skinned knees, riding bicycles up and down the sidewalk. Rey pushing down her socks into low shoes, pedaling her pink bicycle down the street with Ben racing behind her. Mothers calling names again, reminding them homework has to be done, Ben pleading with his mom to go to Rey’s for help. The algebra problems taunt him, asking him to solve for X and he sticks his tongue out at it until he slithers into a dining room chair next to Rey, her pencil flying over paper. Her patient tone as she shows him again how a quadratic equation works. 

“Rachel Kushner, feet off the chair!” Her foster mother snaps, brushing her hair back and Rey’s cheeks burn, hunching down. Ben reaches his hands between them and their fingers graze and she straightens, clears her throat. It was not allowed. He pulls his hand back and grabs for a pencil, turning the page. 

Summer nights last forever. 

Summer lasts almost forever. 

She’s getting attention from other boys, their teasing at the pharmacy as her breasts begin to bud. Ben makes fists and threaten them and he hisses as his mother shoves another ice pack on his eye, clucking her tongue. 

“Really, Benjamin Harrison Shelton. I don’t know what gets into you sometime,” she scolds.

“They weren’t being nice to Rey, Mom,” he cries plaintively and she sighs, gives a small shake of her head. 

“I’m making cheesy pasta for dinner tonight. Bring her over. Watch out for the cars-they go tearing down the street,” she commands before returning to her phone, running her small news empire from home. Ben scrambles across the street, waving his hands at Rey, dangling from a tree branch. 

“Rachel get down from there!” Her foster mother stands on the porch, her hair in curlers, a smoking stick between her lips. Ben is disgusted. He slips his hand into hers. 

“Come away with me,” he whispers and they are tearing along the track, back into the fields, picking up sticks along the way. She is a knight and he is a king and she serves him, always by his side, always guiding him. She eats more than her fair share of cheesy pasta, gulping her milk, and loading up on white meat. His mother observes it all with sad eyes. His dad comes home and slips Ben a few dollars, tells him to go get them some ice cream. 

Rey is enchanted by the cherry flavored lip gloss, her fingers running over the few coins in her pocket. Emboldened, Ben buys her one and stares, fascinated, as she runs it over her lips, wiping at the corners. Re-applying it again and again after she’s done licking her ice cream and his belly rolls with something he doesn’t understand. 

“We’ll always be together,” she promises before scampering off into the night. He struggles through his algebra again. History is better, the rise and fall of power. He runs his thumb over his lips as he charts the emperors, the kings, the generals. 

He’s at home when she slouches over and he shudders at the bruise she tries hiding under her long sleeved shirt. He tells his mom and she sighs, stomps across the street, their shouting ringing in the ears. His mom calls the police. It’s all routine now. Nothing changes. Ben laces his fingers through hers and they wander into the forest. She climbs into a tree, her eyes distant. 

“Some day, I will leave this place. I’ll fly planes, I’ll even design them!” she vows to the tree. Ben swings his stick at the high grass and wishes he could take her away. 

That evening she presses her cherry flavored lips to his tentatively and he ends up inhaling her instead. She giggles at him, her freckled nose wrinkling in feigned dismay. 

“Good night, my sweet prince,” she says before clumsily kissing him again and riding her bicycle home. As Ben walks into the house and settles in front of his homework, he hears a screeching noise and a yowling. He sees his mom dart out the door, the screen door slapping the frame. Wondering if the neighbor’s cat was hit, Ben hops out of his chair and chases her only to be held back. 

“Don’t look, Ben,” she is saying. He pushes her arms down and peeks around her to see a familiar pink bike and a bent, still leg. His eyes well up and he’s screaming, his father lifting him up, crushing Ben to his chest, his mother chanting that it was going to be ok. 

He stares sullenly at his algebra homework, a jumble of letter and numbers never to be understood again, his mother sobbing into his father’s arms. He runs his thumb over his lip, tasting the cherry sweetness one last time. 

* * *

 

The fourth time he sees her, he has her up against a wall, legs wrapped around his waist, he’s cupping her ass and thrusting into her. She’s luxuriously clad, jewels dripping down her chest, rubbing against her shoulders and she’s gasping into his mouth, he’s tasting her jasmine perfume and she’s begging him to hurry, her husband is coming. She tightens her legs around him, giving him a tender kiss and he’s undone and she’s shuddering around him, her breath coming up short. 

She’s giggling, pulling down her dress, a long creamy silk, and he’s whispering:”Come away with me. It can just be you and me, forever.”  She pouts, pulls him in for a quick kiss before fumbling through her bag, rouging her lips and slipping through the door.

“There you are baby, “ her husband rumbles, slapping her ass and she laughs again, this one falsely high. He knows her laughs and all their various intonations. He growls and buttons up his pants. As her husband’s enforcer, he prowls the nightclub, makes pain granting visits to those who refuse to pay their feudal lord. She dances, swaying her body to the jazzy tune, her hands running down her hips, her husband observing with a possessive eye. The great Raelene, the posters proclaim. She slithers and shimmies her way through the crowd and Brenden's body hums in memory. 

They escape one sultry night and spend weeks on an island, her body entwined with his until he’s not sure if he’s covered in her sweat or his, feels his body shudder under her skillful touch more times than he can count. She admits to a love of mechanics and he finds her tinkering more than once on their vehicle. He finds work in a shop, using a boat to take wares between islands. They find bliss. He cannot tell her that he loves her enough and she always blushes, kisses him back, gives his words back to him.

He comes home late one night from a run, the ring in his pocket. He’s found the perfect cove, a judge willing to overlook mainland histories for a few bottles of dark liquor. He strolls through the doorway, frowning as he sees the dining room table turned over, his heart beginning to race as he tears through the house before howling and slumping to the floor. She is spread on the bed, drenched in blood. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there. Tear tracks stain his cheeks, his lips raw from gnawing on them and numbness spreading through his veins with each heartbeat. It’s not until dawn that he notices the letter. Pinned to the bed is the one page note. Scrawled on it was a simple message: You belong to me, knight. 

He stumbles into the beach, the sobs bubbling up and he cannot stop crying and he knows, he knows, he knows, he’s expected to return home, to beg forgiveness. 

She was nothing to her husband. 

She was everything to Brenden. 

She was alone when they came. He sees her ripped nails, the beginning of bruises along her jawline, across her ribs, and knows that she fought. He kisses each one tenderly, speaking to her as he gently sponges her skin, singing their favorite song in his broken voice. He wraps her in white silk, lays her in the boat, and pushes it out to sea. Watches as the waves wash her backward, claim her as one of their own,  and he staggers back to the house, lightheaded, splashing kerosene on the furniture. He tosses the match on the bed. 

When the stars begin to wink out as the sun slides below the horizon, Brenden loads his pants with stones and squares his shoulder. He’ll belong to her forever, he knows. His chest is hollow and he is numb to everything, to the tears caking his skin, the blood stains on his pants, the burns on his hands. He resolutely walks into the water. It laps gently at his ankles, his knees, his waist until the waves are washing over his face and he doesn’t fight it as the sea enfolds him in its cool embrace. 

* * *

Kylo screamed and leapt out of bed, grabbing for his lightsaber and erratically slashing at bulkheads. It took the alarm screaming at him for him to stop, to realize that he was in his small shuttle and that it was buckling under his rage. He stepped back, swallowed, felt the air moving in and out of his lungs. He clutched his chest, his heart raced and he leaned against the wall. His mind was scrambling for something familiar to cling to and he took more than a few moments to find his bearings.

It had become unbearable. At first, these forays only happened during meditation. Now they began to intrude into his dreams. He found it annoying when he discovered the Force bond between him and the scavenger. He immediately determined how she created one and had tried to sever it. Much to his frustration, nothing worked and he focused on building his shields, preventing her from looking in. He had felt her moving around once or twice and had firmly pushed her out. 

The ship’s alarm does not stop wailing and Kylo cursed as he hurried to the front. Proximity alarm. He slid into the seat and pulled the ship out of hyperspace. Edonaaris filled his view port and he paid it little mind, his eyes on his monitors, as he guided his craft down through the dense clouds shrouding the planet and to the small temple. Built on stone piled high above the swamps, Snoke’s library and training grounds, one of many, allowed him to hide during the Empire’s years. Edonaaris offered little to entice visitors, swampy, humid, and little to no civilization. 

Kylo ran a hand across his brow, the sweat accumulating quickly along his hairline, on top of his lip and he cursed his heavy robes again. He tapped his code into the door and entered quickly, the fans snapping on, blowing cool air across his back. He didn’t quite run, but close, as he headed toward the library. 

“Young master Ren,” croaked a voice as he strode in, the lights flickering on. He casted a quick glance at the Librarian, an older man bent over a cane, his hair thinning and white. 

“Master Nu,” Kylo bowed. Although he would never admit it aloud, he learned much from his time with his uncle, including respecting those with knowledge. He shrugged off the image of Lor San Tekka’s form crumpled in the sand, doubt hammering at him again. The pull to the light, he called it. He was crafted by Snoke to find the balance, to rest on the precipice and he teetered daily. Even more so once these visions began to plague him. 

Master Nu waited in front of him, his eyes sleepy but Kylo knew different from experience. Master Nu observed all in his library. 

“How can I help you?” 

“I’ve been having visions. I’m not sure actually, if they are that,” Kylo bit his lip and pulled out a chair for the librarian who took it, his joints creaking loudly in the room. 

“Why don’t you think they are visions?”

“Because they aren’t like this time. Sometimes less primitive, sometimes more advanced. And I’m not myself. I have different names, I do different things. “

“Do they have the same group of people?”

“Yes, how did you know?” Kylo demanded, his voice harsh. He brushed it aside. Master Nu smirked, his wrinkled skin sagging around his jawline as he pointed to a shelf toward the back. 

“There is the work you see. It’s mostly scientific I warn you, but it has some good theories.”

“By whom?”

The Voss Mystics. About parallel universes.” Kylo jerked back, frowning. Parallel universes. He had vaguely heard of them from his tutors. A crackpot theory, only gestured at by mathematics, that multiple versions of the universe existed all around them. 

Kylo spent the rest of the day at a terminal, reviewing all the information, occasionally getting up to refresh his caf. Master Nu eyed him carefully before taking the seat across from him to resume his cataloging. Kylo was engrossed in the work in front of him and did not notice Nu scribbling a comm to Snoke summarizing their conversation. It was only hours later when his comm beeps, an insistent pressure growing in his head that he realized Snoke was trying to reach him and he excused himself to enter the holo room down the hall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Yes, the walking into the sea was a nod to the Awakening although I think she swam out and just didn't come back.  
> 2) Master Nu is a reference to Jocasta Nu, the Jedi master librarian from Star Wars: The Clone Wars.  
> 3) I'm my own beta and I read these things like three times before I post but I'm still seeing errors. I apologize. I do try to go back and edit. PS I need help with a science-y star wars name for a dude so if you got one, hit me up, please and thank you! Right now I'm calling him RDJ but I think it's because Civil War is on my dash.  
> 4) You can find me at Tumblr at [hauscrashburn](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hauscrashburn).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These echoes bond to him and he shudders at the thawing of his heart.  
> A warrior unable to kill  
> A lover unable to be intimate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what this junk is. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting. I deeply appreciate them and am grateful for the time you give whatever this is.

Kylo hunched his shoulders, tried to make himself as small as possible as he knelt before Snoke.

“And you believe these visions are of the future?” The holo said diffidently. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Kylo boxed up the visions, hid them, offering only a peek of them to Snoke’s prying fingers. He repressed a shudder as Snoke rifled through his mind, digging deeper at the information that struck his interest

“Why are you researching parallel universes, Kylo Ren?” Disgust flooded Kylo’s system; he was weak, he could never hide from Snoke. Why try?, he thought resignedly. 

“I believe it has something to do with the nature of Force,” Kylo lied, keeping his voice even, his eyes downcast. He felt, rather than saw, Snoke sigh. 

“Scholarly pursuits are not for a Master of the Knights of Ren. We are at war and your uncle advances on a battlefield, even now. And yet you play with ideas,” Snoke snarled and Kylo shrank into the concrete floor already biting into the flesh of his knees. 

“I will give you a few days. Beware--I foresee Skywalker on Dantooine soon. I expect you to lead troops into battle against him.” Kylo waited a beat before speaking, the air pregnant with disappointment. He does not grovel and he senses Snoke withdraw in shock.

“I cannot beat Skywalker. He is too powerful. I need more time to study.” 

“Do not defeat him!,” Snoke bellowed. “You will lead him to me. Delve into your meditations, Kylo. Find your balance. Do not fail me. You know what I expect you to do on Dantooine.” His voice echoed in the chamber as Snoke faded away. After a moment, Kylo howled, the wail of a caged beast, and beat his fists against the concrete. He shoved his violence into the ground, wrapping the Force around him, punched down with all of his fury, sending cracks rippling through the room. The floor buckled underneath, chips of concrete skittering across the room. 

He unsteadily climbed up, his fist throbbing, and strode out of the room back to the library. Master Nu observed him over his glasses and shook his head.

“Do you require care Master Ren?,” the old man croaked. Kylo bared his teeth at him, brushing past him to enter the dormitory. Pitifully small rooms with tiny beds, desk, all bolted to the floor, all the same dull grey as the rest of the temple. A ‘fresher adjoined the room with a small medkit shoved under the sink. He dropped onto the bed and sulkily contemplated his fist. Blood dried on his knuckles, settling into old wounds, and he hissed as he rubbed bacta on it. 

Snoke wanted the scavenger. No longer satisfied with one student to balance the Force, he demanded her to complete the balance. He would be the fulcrum, he had declared, and Kylo merely one point. After being lovingly told for years that he was Snoke’s last hope to balance the Force, this new direction had stung him. He had not anticipated Snoke’s interest in the girl when he had interrogated her. He had suspected it lying in the med ward, a droid attempting to repair his broken skin--she had permanently branded him and Snoke had taken a quiet pleasure in it, appearing in person to run an ashy finger down Kylo’s scar. A sick smile on his cracked features as he fingered Kylo’s broken lightsaber. He had ordered Kylo to give him all of the details, had delved into his mind when he had been unsatisfied by Kylo’s halting speech. 

“Bring her to me. I will be her teacher,” he had commanded. Kylo shook in anger at the memory and the holo pad on the desk began to rattle as his fury reverberated throughout the room. Glaring at it, he closed his eyes, reached for the Force, reached for the connections in the universe, aching to find where he belonged. 

* * *

 

The fifth time he sees her, he is blinking awake, the room in the light soft but direct on his face. Grumbling he rolls over and right into her, her nose wrinkling. 

“You had a cigarette before bed last night didn’t you?,” she accuses him but without heat. 

“Kiss me anyways,” he rumbles and she laughs, leans over to peck him on the cheek, his nose, his chin. He is reaching for her, his hands skimming her bare skin under the sheets, encountering only the thinnest resistance of a silk shorts. She is giggling, pushing his hand away. 

“Work today, play tonight,” she promises and her eyes are warm, encouraging and he pulls her into the shower with him, humming as she leans into his chest, sighing peacefully as he massages shampoo through her hair. 

She bumps her hip against his in time to the music as she mixes milk into the eggs and is singing as she grabs plates. He dashes over to save it from being burnt--again--and returns to running bread through milk and frying it up. They kiss goodbye and he clings to her and she laughs into his mouth. 

Work is tedious but consuming. He pours over paperwork, chats with a ginger haired colleague that he merely tolerates, slips out to lunch with a blonde woman--his friend more than the ginger’s--who tags along reluctantly, a sour expression ruining their lunch as he proclaims the place they’ve chosen too bourgeois for his taste. The blond laughs him and twirls the umbrella in her drink. 

Then he’s home and she’s there, a sadness shrouding her, hesitancy as she moves toward him.

“What is it?”

“I’m pregnant.” He picks her up, twirls around with her, kissing her collarbone, her shoulders and he feels relief pouring out of her every pore.

“Marry me,” he orders and she swats his shoulder, demands a ring. Without thinking, he runs to his dresser, rummages through his socks, and pulls out the box that he had stashed away weeks ago. It’s not traditional--a simple band made out of a meteorite but she’s astonished, she’s pleased and they fall into bed together, clumsy, eager, ridiculously happy. 

He is with her, his hand is being crushed, as she brings the twins into the world. He can’t stop staring at the black curls plastered to his daughter’s hair, the puzzled frown on his son’s miniature features. He counts their fingers and toes and is relieved. She is soft and glowing, cuddling the babies to her, and he tells her he would give her the world and she tells him he already has. 

His father smiles proudly when they come home. His mother was straightening the chairs, loading casseroles into the freezer, squealing over the babies, telling his wife not to worry, she’ll be over any time day and night. She smiles gratefully and collapses into a chair as his mother rocked the fussy son back to sleep. 

His father takes him out to the porch, slaps his back.

“I’m proud of you son,” he grins as he offers a chocolate cigar. “Coming clean isn’t easy.”

“She helped.”

“She’s a helluva nurse,” his father agrees. “Not sure how you got her to marry you.”

“Me either,” he sighs, reaching for his pocket before remembering they had been empty of cigarettes for weeks now. You have to quit smoking if you want babies, she had chided after their first prenatal visit and he had applied so many nicotine patches that he was sure he should take stock out in them. 

He cuddles her each night, lets her sleep when one of the twin cries out. They watch them grow older, he teases her about the grey appearing in her hair, and she sticks her tongue out and reminds him of the wrinkles around his eyes, mouth. They go to school plays, worry over cuts and bruises. And each night, he rolls over to kiss her asleep and each morning to kiss her awake. 

* * *

Kylo brushed the tears out of his eyes, beating his fist against his heart, wincing as the cuts re-opened, oozing through the bacta to stain his tunic. He had never imagined he could experience a simple life. A prince, son of heroes, he had been ushered from one palace to another as a child. His mother never even considered he wanted to be something other than a Jedi. His uncle just assumed he wanted to be a hero, to save the galaxy. It was his destiny, they had said. 

Kylo stood up, his eyes aching, his lashes coated in thick tears and as much as he was ashamed to admit it, he was still wiping his nose. A few times, as a child at friend’s homes, he had seen parents in love, stolen kisses around the corner from the children. His home was different. His mother had been distracted; his father chafing against protocol, snapping at Leia when his temper ran ragged. His only constant was Threepio. He still remembered seeing his father kiss the top of his mother’s head and wondering if all love was volatile. 

He had never a chance to find out. His uncle would pull him away if he as much smiled at another girl. He had a bigger destiny---he had rolled his eyes. The words were faded, no longer relevant. Until Snoke had shown him what that destiny could look like. Until his grandfather appeared and gave him a mission. 

Kylo knew the price was heavy. Now he knew the taste of it and he slapped his chest, tried to bring out to focus, but only heard the hollow sound of an empty heart. He had torn the warmth from his body, nurtured the coldness until it spread through his veins. Now it fluttered in his chest, weakly protesting its arctic environment. He pushed down the bile rising in his throat and turned into the corner, directing the tirade of emotions at the floodgates out,out, out, erasing them until nothing was left. 

The message came early the next day to head to Dantooine. Sighing, Kylo loaded texts onto his holopad, bid Master Nu a curt farewell, and blasted through the thick clouds. He reviewed the messages from his Knights, issued orders, and slipped into a half sleep, reliving the last vision again and again, the heat of her hip against his, the way laughter would burst out of her, the taste of her mouth on his. He absentmindedly took off his glove and ran his fingers over his lips until they felt raw. 

It was raining as he set his shuttle down, the battle already engaged. He could see the neat ranks of troopers advancing on the small group of Resistance fighters, this time joined by the navy clad Republic military. He snorted. The Republic was too little too late to the fight and their inexperienced fighters were falling under the direction of the First Order. 

He barged down the ramp, whipped out his lightsaber, and snarled into the damp air. The rage that had been steadily building, the ache that he had been living with since these visions plagued him, boiled up, and he grasped at the Force, felt it call easily to him. With a casual wave, he blew back an advancing group of fighters and redirected blaster bolts back to the blaster owners. A Resistance fighter raced up to him, vibropike in hand. Almost bored, Kylo hacked down the pike, sliding to the fighter’s chest and jammed his fist into his gut. The fighter stumbled back and with a quick flit of his wrist, Kylo ensured the fighter was no more. 

He felt her before he saw her. He turned to see her advancing on him, his blue lightsaber in her hands, almost dancing around the troopers, blocking bolts and with a downward slice, severing limbs. She deftly maneuvered through legs and stray bolts sizzling though the air. She was athletic, agile, and Kylo tracked her every move, feeding a hunger he hadn’t realized was growing. 

He stepped toward her quickly, the rain pattering against his helmet. Frustrated, he ripped his cloak off, flinging to to the ground. She stopped, her blade by her side, sensing his approach and twisted to face him. She turned holding her hand out. 

“Stop.” Her voice had a desperate edge that sped his heart up.  He halted, let his power loom over her, loosened the shield between their bond and shivered as her terror throbbed down the line. Not terror of him, but for him. 

“Come with me,” he shouted over the rising wind. 

“Do not come closer,” she screamed back, bracing herself, bringing her blade up and gripping it tightly with both hands. He held back a gasp, his heart skipping a beat, the blue light flickering on her face sending him hurling back to another Rey, to another world. 

“Come with me, Rey,” he asked again, aghast at the pleading edge to his voice. “We can bring balance to the Force.” He latched onto the crazed idea, clung to it with a foolhardiness that he hardly recognized as his own. 

“I don’t want to fight you. Come back with me. We can help you!” Her insistence that she can save him came clearly through the bond and he shook his head. He reached up to take off the helmet, to let her see his sincerity. She inhaled shakily and he brushed wet locks from his face, his hair sticking to his skin in the rain. He took in her petite form, her clothes clinging to her frame, her panting breaths and resisted an urge to reach for her. It was all too familiar an impulse from lives not his own and he loathed it, longed to excise it, to burn his traitorous heart out. 

“There is no help for me,” he replied. “If you will not yield, we must fight.” He hoped she felt his resignation as he ignited his lightsaber and slid into a fighting stance. He saw her blink rapidly and thought her strange before advancing, his blade heavy and cumbersome. 

They did not fight gracefully. They were tepid with one another, striking out to tap the tips of blades, sputtering through the rain, mud slowing their steps to a drag. She aimed haphazardly toward his torso and he knocked it away. He was clearly telegraphing every move, standing stock still, almost like a lightsaber exercise. She was reluctant, refusing to take the openings he left her. 

He had no name for what was between them. 

He heard someone call her name, screaming it repeatedly. He growled and scraped his blade across her tunic parting it to reveal her rain slicked skin. She cried out, stumbled back and he grabbed her with the Force before she fell, hovering above the ground. With a grunt he pulled her to him, held her to his chest. 

“I am sorry,” he wanted to mumble into her hair. But curiously he found his mouth poised over hers, waiting, breath mingling. She said nothing, her eyes moving around almost in a panic and he wondered why she did not move away. He had released his Force hold now. He saw her close her eyes and felt her lean into him. Time stopped moving; he swore he could see the individual rain drops moving through the air, and she sighed, her hand twitching up to rest on his hip, and his breathing hitched and he closed the distance between them. 

“Rey!” The voice screamed again. Time sped up and he was restraining himself from devouring her. She kept her lips tightly together as he swept his tongue over her bottom lip, tasted her again before pulling back, giving her a gentle push. He felt her puzzlement, a slight twinge of resentment and worry, before she collected her wits. 

“Come with me,” she pleaded. 

“I’ll see you soon,” he responded before snatching his mud splattered helmet and hurrying to his shuttle. Once sealed inside, the quiet hush, broken only by mechanical hum, did he let himself revel in his heart racing, the aftertaste in his mouth. Only then did he sink into the pilot’s chair and replay the strange events, picking at each moment and unraveling what he felt from the bond. 

He blew out his breath and let his head fall back against the seat. His wet clothes pulled him down and he struggled out of them, contemplating the oddity of the fight, wonderi ng why she was as resistant as him to engage. Perhaps she was experiencing these visions too, he mused. He let his mind wander along the bond to investigate, only to encounter a block. He huffed and stepped into the fresher. Was this real or was this an echo of whatever he was experiencing? Were they past or the future? Why was her face following him, torturing him, and why did he did feel more like himself, less remote, when he held her? 

He banged his head gently on the shower wall, the warm water beating on his body, soothing his muscles, easing the cold from his skin. He saw the flash of her toned skin in his mind and felt his body respond. He willed it away. He spent years growing cold. He would not let one girl ruin a lifetime of work.  He closed his eyes, focusing on each image of her and dissembling it, pointing out to himself her lack of curves, her upturned nose, her all too frequent smiles. Her finesse with a blade, so much more than when they first met. 

He knew what was happening. Kylo wasn’t stupid. And he despised every moment of it. Encasing himself in his fear and his hatred, he allowed himself to push out everything that was sprouting in his heart, to empty himself, to let himself feel hollow again. He couldn’t ignore the nagging sensation that something new was growing in him, a cancer he couldn’t understand and didn’t want to even try. A fear, but not for himself. A fear for someone else. Something bordering on primal. He savagely cut through it, shoved it under, envisioned himself held in ice, felt his skin turning colder. It was the only way he could survive. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot, plot, plot  
> And the promised scientific mumbo-jumbo

For the first time in almost a week, he slept through the night, no visions plaguing him, no burdens to bear but his own. He lay in his bunk, almost drowsy, replaying the battle, re-examining their steps, puzzled as to why she let him kiss her. Why he felt the need to kiss her, as if he drowning and she were the only gasp of air to hold in his lungs before he slipped under again.

Snoke was displeased, to be sure, from the snarly message he sent. The First Order had won the battle, but barely, thanks to, as Snoke pointed out, Phasma’s well trained stormtroopers. Kylo had merely shrugged when he read the message. He knew he had failed at his objective, that Luke Skywalker’s presence on Dantooine was now public, infecting the stormtroopers with a sense of dread. As a nephew, Kylo felt a distant pride in the fearsome persona of Luke Skywalker; as an adversary, he could only relish in the brewing battle destined between them.

His shuttle landed on a distant planet, in the far flung arm of the galaxy, the edges of inter-galatic space only a dozen light years away. The planet was so insignificant that the Imperial maps had only designated it a number--TS-8297. It was brown and scarred  in space and when he scanned the environment, found it breathable, he discovered the ground hard, unforgiving. Canyons spread out around him, the ground crunching underfoot as he peered over the edge to see water rushing below, carving their way through the stone relentlessly, interminably. The skies overhead were streaked purple and peach, a distant sun setting. The air was damp on his skin and he pulled his cloak tighter around him.

“Who are you?” A chilled voice demanded and Kylo sensed a blaster aimed at his back. He turned, let the person’s eyes fall on his youthful face. The blaster wavered and lowered a fraction. “A boy? What are you doing here?” He was, inexplicably speaking Basic, until Kylo realized the man was wearing an old Imperial designed jumper. He smiled inwardly. His quest had not been in vain.

“Roth Dir-Joppo?,” he asked confidently. The man lowered his gun fully and Kylo took in his orange skin, white markings, his grey and white lekku, age lines chiseled around his mouth and  his eyes.

“Who is asking?”

“I am Ben Solo, the son of Leia Organa,” he replied smoothly. A means to an end, he reassured himself. The man’s brow quirked in surprise.

“Tell me, did they win?” His voice is low, chaotic. Kylo gave a short nod and watched a triumphant smile spread across Roth’s face,  tears pooling in his violet eyes. “And the Jedi?”

“Growing slowly” Kylo evaded the question, thinking it wasn’t quite untrue. There had been only Luke; now he had an apprentice. “I have come to find you because of your research.”

“My research?” Roth scoffed. “You mean the research that got me kicked out of the academy, shackled to a data desk by the Empire. That research?”

“Is that why you came out here?” Kylo asked instead. “Far enough to escape the Empire?” Roth gave him a grudging look.

“In part. There’s less interference here with my instruments.” He paused, frowning in thought before waving his hand. “Any son of Princess Leia is welcome here. Let me show you.” He turned and trod past the shuttle, Kylo on his heels. They hiked in silence for a half hour, edging across bridges held together by wire and will alone until they came to a small hut on a hill, a tiny farm next to it, the greens and blues of the plants a bright streak in an otherwise red and mud colored world.

Inside, Roth led Kylo down two levels to a wide room, dug deep into the ground, the dirt packed walls ringed with lights. A myriad of tools were scattered over tables, computers blinking in the dim space. Kylo lifted his brows in surprise. Almost everything was ancient, Imperial models, but a closer examination revealed they had been tinkered with, updated.

“I took what I could, traded what I could. I’ve improved some systems.”

“You would be most welcome on Bothuwai,” Kylo rumbled. Roth blushed and lowered his head. Bothuwai traded in electronics and information and even Kylo could admit some of these systems bypassed what he had seen in the First Order. He admired talent, no matter what form it took.

“What information do you have?” Roth asked after he had escorted Kylo to a sitting area, brewed up some tea. Kylo took a sip of the bitter drink, held back a cough, and considered Roth carefully.

“What do you know of the Force?” he began amiably. Roth shrugged nonchalantly and rattled off facts. Kylo leaned back and made a show of listening attentively. He had caught Roth’s name in a footnote of a document and then again in a jeering tone by a New Republic scientist. Roth’s name peppered scientific papers, often with derision but Kylo understood enough basic science and jealousy to cobble together that Roth would have the answers he sought. Roth fell silent and looked expectantly at Kylo before an idea dawned on his face.

“You believe the Force is related to the parallel universes.” He stated confidently and got up to scribble on a holopad. “The Force is like a particle that interacts with everything and for some reason, certain people are able to manipulate it more than others. Imagine the Force as a field of something, a field of snow for example, covering everything. We all have to move through it, interact with it. It forms the very basic nature of our universe. Without the Force, matter would have nothing to adhere to, nothing to create itself around. Therefore, if we assume the laws of physics are the same everywhere--and to be fair, I cannot imagine a different sort of law--” here he turned toward Kylo, thoughtfully frowning in distaste”--then it stands to reason that Force can permeate the lines between parallel universe.”

“But where are these universes?,” Kylo asked in frustration. “Are they far? Can we reach them? How alike are they to us?” Roth turned and waved his hand through the air.

“See that? I just brushed a thousand different universes. The only thing that separates is the merest film. If we could punch through that, then we could learn an infinitesimal amount of things about the nature of matter, of the Force even,”he shrugged as he spoke, punching more numbers into his holopad. “But they would be bound by the same laws of physics as us. As to what they are _like_ \--that's more an anthropological question, even a philosophical one you might say.” He shrugged again, pointed at Kylo. “Up your alley, rather.”

Kylo humphed at the comment and ran a hand through his hair. He watched Roth work on his holopad, muttering under his breath as his gaze swiveled between several systems at once. Kylo rested his elbows on his knees, considered digging into Roth’s mind. He weighed being honest between taking what he wanted. He felt no pull from Snoke here, far enough out that he couldn’t pick up First Order communications in his shuttle. Abandoned space, with no infrastructure, he almost caught himself wondering about what it would be like to stay here and shook his head, uneasy with his own thoughts.

“I believe I’ve been experiencing visions from there,” he casually threw out, surprising himself, and startling Roth.

“What do you mean?” Roth barely breathed, his soft voice almost inaudible. Kylo cursed himself and began to relate the visions, keeping most details to himself. Roth listened meticulously, interrupting a few times to clarify a few points. His brow furrowed and he pursued his lips. For a moment they said nothing, silence steadily eating away at Kylo’s disgust at himself for opening up to this stranger. He mourned the man already; such a light to be extinguished. Kylo couldn’t let the First Order accidentally stumble upon Roth and what he had heard.

“Well that would explain why the kyber crystals had the best results,” Roth stated before jumping up and scurrying down to a table. He flipped a switch and beams of harsh white light showed a pile of metal and wires and a dull pewter cylinder. Kylo hovered behind him and squinted. It almost looked like a lightsaber hilt but with a variety of buttons on the side.

Roth was rambling: “I had this theory that the Force bonded all the parallel universes together based on the particle’s structure. It’s a parasitical little thing, always attaching itself to something. Which is why, of course, you can manipulate it with ease. You tell the particles to attach, to move in some way. So I thought perhaps the Force was the thing holding the universes together. If I could just cut through the Force somehow, I could enter another universe. Perhaps one more welcoming of scientists.” He ended on a bitter note and Kylo regarded the cylinder with awe.

“Does it work?”

“Eh? Unfortunately no. The kyber crystals aren’t----”he paused, looked askance at Kylo before gazing at him speculatively. “You are a Jedi.”

“I am no Jedi,” Kylo harshly replied. Roth shook his head.

“No matter. I cannot manipulate the Force. If you can help me purify the crystal, help it stabilize in the cylinder, I can prove my theory!” He gazed at Kylo with bated breath and Kylo felt his chest warm. He was close to figuring out these visions.

He gnawed on his lip, thinking. He knew now they could be coming from outside of his universe--but how did that help him? He was still a warrior at the mercy of his lord, still torn between listening to Snoke and falling to his knees to beg Rey for something foreign to him, unknowable to him, to even figure out why the scavenger haunted him. He recognized that she was the center of it, the gravitational well pulling him to her. He had resisted the urge to yield, to fall into orbit, but his refusal was waning. If he could but meet an alternate her, perhaps the visions could stop. Perhaps her pull would end.  Perhaps he could live in a place without the pull of the Force, to stop being Ben Solo or Kylo Ren, and just be a man. He yearned for that hint of normalcy with a ferocity that frightened him.

He found himself assenting to Roth’s request and spent the rest of the evening absolutely agog at the collection of kyber crystals Roth had stashed away. Kylo had to make do with a cracked crystal in his lightsaber, had studied old plans for weeks in order to make his lightsaber bear even the resemblance to something functional and here was a veritable treasure trove, discarded in a box in a corner. Kylo’s fingers itched and he consoled himself by sliding a few into his pocket.

Roth led Kylo out of the lab. Kylo brushed his hair back and grimaced at the days old stubble scraping the back of his hand. He really did need to get to the shuttle. Roth had the cylinder in his hand. Kylo had spent all day balancing the crystal, testing the conduits as he had placed it into the device. Roth trotted outside, Kylo following, the cool wind ruffling his hair. The stars, entire constellations he never imagined, were the only witnesses to the night’s event. Roth turned and faced away from the hut, pointing with the cylinder. Kylo memorized the sequence of buttons that Roth pushed. A pale beam shot out of one end, scattering in the air. Roth's shoulder slumped, his face wan and glum. The test had failed.

“Let me see,” Kylo commanded. The cylinder was heavier than it looked. Kylo closed his eyes, reached out for the Force, felt starlight humming along his skin, and he repeated the sequence, shoving his focus into the beam. It held, a sharp curved edge to it, like a hook. He moved it through the air slowly until he hit a wall of resistance. He tried again.

“It won’t go any more!” he shouted through the rising wind.

“Turn it the other way. Pull across it!” he yelled back. Kylo flipped the blade until the hook was gliding across the resistance and his eyes widened as light from a different world spilled through. He continued to cut until he saw clearly a grimy and grey world, mechanical, with looming buildings. He stepped near to it, could taste the metallic air, could feel the smog settle on his skin.

“Let’s see if we can close it!” Roth hollered. Kylo, ignoring him, stepped through and into a new world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, I did model the Force on the Higgs Boson because it is the God particle.
> 
> I am not a scientist. This is for some real mumbo-jumbo


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo goes to another world  
> And to another Rey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your comments, your encouragement, for reading.

He was a immobile, carved from stone, he was molten, burning, shedding crackling skin, he could feel the ice crystallizing in his veins as he stepped into the doorway between worlds. He could not move and he felt a thousand years of terror, the universe blooming and dying beneath his feet, the agony and exuberance of billions of souls whispering along his skin, as his heart struggled to beat. The space between two movements and he was hurled into another world, one foot stepping gently on the cracked concrete in front of him. He shook his head to clear the ringing in his ears and blinked rapidly.

He was an alley, closed in by dark buildings, graffiti scribbled on the sides. He could see speeders moving above the ground--this world was closer to his than any other yet, he surmised. Kylo heard a grunt behind him and he turned to see Roth coming through, the gash revealing their universe, dark and cold and blue.

“You are a terrible scientist,” Roth chided, pulling out an instrument to survey the environment. He frowned and fiddled with a few buttons, his lekku swaying with him as he waved the instrument in the air. “It doesn't work here.” He shot a look at Kylo. “Can you feel the Force here?”

Kylo scoffed and reached for the instrument before stopping short, his eyes widening. He stumbled back, collided with an unforgiving wall, his mind grieving. His whole life he had known the Force--as a toddler, he had understood its companionable presence in his life before he uttered mama and dada. It comforted him when he was an acne scarred teenager with too large ears and feet that tripped him up. It soothed him when he fell to his knees at the news on the Holonet that he was the grandson of Darth Vader, confirmed by the scarlet shame creeping up Luke’s face.

And now he had abandoned it. He mashed his fist against his mouth, tried to push down the sob threatening to claw out of his throat.

“I need to go back,” he heaved and Roth laid one hand on his chest.

“This is an exciting moment for scientific discovery. Let us take a few hours, let us just explore,” he pleaded, his violet eyes gleaming with wonder. “I’ve waited my whole life for this. I can finally die at peace.” Kylo stopped short, held his breath. Roth spoke with a hushed amazement, his eyes traveling over the buildings with awed anticipation. Feeling raw, Kylo relented. He would never be able to explain why later. He was taken in by Roth’s delight, he would claim.

Roth pulled him up and gestured toward the hole in the air.

“Can you close it?”

“I can’t feel the Force here,” Kylo said reluctantly. Roth pursed his lips.

“Interesting. But I wonder--can you focus on closing it again? Just once. I have a theory.” Kylo shook himself, aimed the gray cylinder at the hole and envisioned himself pushing the Force through it again.

“Turn the hook another way. Use the backside,” Roth directed. Kylo flipped it around, dragging the curve of the lightbeam and watched in amazement as the hole began to seal itself. “Stop! We need to leave a bit so we know where it is.”

“Why can I use the Force with this?” Kylo couldn’t stop his voice from cracking, from cradling the cylinder to his chest.

“It depends on a kyber crystal and a Force user. I bet very much you could use the Force here but you would need to acclimate. Your cells need to learn this world. Oh, sure, you can breathe in it but it doesn’t mean it’s the same. Besides, I do believe the old Jedi scholars indicated there were different types of Forces so perhaps you have tapped into one?” Roth cocked his head as he trailed off, weighing his words before nodding in agreement with himself. “Quick, let’s go.” He turned and headed down the alley toward the street.

Kylo hunched his shoulders and cautiously followed him.  Without the Force, he felt vulnerable, exposed to the universe. If someone attacked, he would only have his gangly limbs and slow reflexes to defend himself. He shoved his hands into his pockets, dipping his head low, trying to avoid attention until he heard Roth gasp. He looked up and took in the gloomy world in which they had found themselves.

They had landed into an industrial district, rust colored and pitted buildings surrounding them, with grime covered windows. Kylo could see a line of people outside of one, worn down, their clothes patched and dull. Dark smoke spewed from some building into a sky blanketed by heavy clouds. Just beyond the factories, Kylo could make out glittering towers, skyscrapers, their neon lights blinking. A speeder tore past them, ruffling the ash coated ground.

Kylo was absorbed in studying the area that he missed Roth jogging down one street, trying to catch something. When Kylo turned to try to find him, he panicked. He immediately reached into his mind for the Force and the blank drove him wild, a howl escaping his lips and piercing the thick air. He began stalking in one direction, hoping to run into him when a voice arrested him.

“Beckett!” A familiar voice cried out. “Beckett wait up!” He held himself still, did not dare move all the while wondering how someone could have a stupid name like Beckett. A light touch descended on his arm and he looked down to see her. The freckles across her nose, the amused eyes, glee on every feature. She was here. He didn’t know why he was startled by that fact; he should have known. She was everywhere, his shadow, his curse.

“Hello,” he stammered. He did not know what to say as she continued to gaze expectantly at him.

“I thought you had gone off planet for a few weeks. To work on your stories.”

“Oh, uh, well I just came here for the atmosphere,” he replied weakly. Her brow wrinkled and she let out a short merry laugh.

“You write about beautiful planets and princesses. What can Cinerus teach you?”

“Oh a lot,” he muttered vaguely. She peered into his face.

“Are you ok? You seem different.”

“Just tired,” he deflected and suddenly she was all concern, sliding her arm around his waist.

“Let’s get you home.” He craned his neck to see if he could spot Roth but nothing. The Togruta had disappeared and Kylo let this world’s Rey steer him several blocks away to an ancient building, sagging in the center, its windows filmed over. She waited expectantly at the door and he panicked until he saw the entry was a palm reader. Silently praying to the Force, he gingerly laid his hand on the screen. For a moment it merely hummed until he heard the small click of the door. Smiling brightly at him, she swung it open and ushered him in. He followed her up rickety steps to the third floor where another hand reader granted access to a loft, exposed piping and walls papered in notes in an otherwise neat and tidy space. A brown plant sat next to a couch and Rey clucked over it as she padded into the kitchen.

“I don’t understand why you choose to live in Old Town,” she said ruefully. “I know you think my landlord is a dick but at least the amenities work.” She banged on the tap a few times before water sputtered and trickled into a kettle. 

Kylo shrugged and collapsed on the couch. Without the Force, without the ability to dig through her mind, his nerves were ragged and he was guessing at every reply he gave. He did agree that this sort of place did not suit him; he lived ascetically now but Ben Solo had grown up in relative luxury. She was continuing to chat about her studies and her work while she brewed some tea.

Kylo sat forward, staring at the pictures lining the walls. Familiar faces smiled back at him, happy, pleased. His mom with her arm around her father, a big hairy dog sitting at their feet. Kylo bit back at laugh at the realization that Chewbacca was a dog in this world. They all looked different somehow--Leia was rounder, her face gentler, his father hunched over, but the same cocky grin on his face. And in a few, Kylo’s version, Beckett, with his arm twined around Rey, their heads leaning together, Rey laughing at the camera, Beckett’s eyes glued to her. In the corner, he had scribbled Rinalda lake house.

“Rinalda?” Kylo called, testing the name. She looked up from rummaging in a drawer.

“Am I in trouble?” she teased. “You know I prefer Ren.” She walked over to hand him a steaming mug before folding a leg beneath her and leaning back into the couch. Kylo smiled briefly.

“Yes but it’s a beautiful name,” his voice low. He moved to sit next to her, to let her knee press against his. He wondered if she could hear his heart galloping in his chest. She prattled about things and he tried hard to listen, his hand holding the mug, letting the warmth comfort him.

At one point, she reached out and began to twirl one of his lock’s around her fingers, a knowing gleam in her eyes. Kylo began to wonder at the nature of Beckett and Rinaldi’s relationship. Rey bit her lip, turned to face him, placing her mug on the glass table by their legs, almost scooting into his lap. He froze, not knowing what to do with his hands. She let out a breathy laugh and leaned into his chest.

“I know it’s new,” she murmured, her lips barely brushing his jaw line. “But just hold me. It’s been weeks and I’ve missed you.” He exhaled, let his hands rest on her back, her thigh, tried to ignore the guilt edging around the back of his mind. This was not his Rey. There was a kindness, a giddiness to her that his Rey could not have. This Rey had not known hunger. She was lithe as a dancer, not hard lines like a fighter. She was whispering into his ear, apologizing for some fight it seems she got into with Beckett, and he is nodding, mumbling forgiveness and her lips are on his and the shame throbbed through him and he pushed it down.

He just wanted to pretend.

Here, he could be Beckett and here he could have this woman. No Force, no ties to royalty, to the galaxy’s anguish. Just a cold afternoon and a warmth growing through his chest and he tightened his arms around her, opened his mouth and she thrust her tongue in, tasting him, flicking hers over his bottom lip, and he let himself run his hands down her blouse, fumbling with buttons, to slide his hand in and revel in her curves, the smooth texture of her skin. 

Kylo had been with women. But his experience was limited to fumbling hands, to kisses stolen in the back of a speeder while on a run with his father, urgent coupling before their parents returned. She had declared him merely adequate and his explorations had ended there. He had resigned himself to a solitary lifestyle, dedicated to the Force until the visions. They had shown him a world he didn't know was possible, could never have seen himself living. He was pretty sure he had learned more about lovemaking living these alternate lives the past weeks than he ever did before and he found his body responding to them again.

She was pulling him by the hand to the bed, dropping her skirt on the ground and his mouth went dry. She pushed him to his knees and he peppered the back of her knees, kneaded her legs apart, ran his tongue across the apex of her thighs and she let her head fall back, let herself cry a name not his own. Kylo halted, torn. She was gripping his hair, begging him not to stop and greedily, he ripped off her panties, began to lave her wet folds and she was sobbing a name and he didn’t care. He would never hold Rey, never press his lips to her again, never feel her under him, and he wanted this dream to last. A poor substitute but it would satisfy the craving that had been building, burning in his chest for weeks. 

Kylo discovered he was an expert at her body, weeks of visions teaching him where to tease, where to press devoted lips. She writhed, moaning, her mouth hungry for his. He sat back on his heels, watching himself enter her, hissing through his teeth as he began to move. She skated her nails down his arms, bucking her hips under him, to press him deeper, her eyelids fluttering against her pale, perfect skin. He stared at her, committing every freckle, every line to memory.

  
“I love you, Beckett,” she panted and he collapsed on top of her, hiding his shame at taking her, his tongue thick in his mouth. He kissed her gently, thoroughly, and cuddled her to him. She wrapped herself around him, head resting on her chest, and he let himself be content in watching her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon: all universes have tea and coffee because what cruel Force would stop me from being caffeinated.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now for something completely different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In present tense as it is almost a vision

Rey sits before Luke, her hands folded in front of her on the table, her hair pulled back so that her scalp aches. Luke is muttering to himself as he flips through screens on his holopad. Rey is expectant, the question just out of her mouth before Luke holds up a hand.

“One more minute,” he commands and she huffs, glowering at him. 

“It’s like he’s dead, Master Luke,” she grits out and Luke is startled.

“What?”

“I can no longer even sense him. It’s like he’s just disappeared,” she continues, bewilderment in every word. 

“He can't just disappear. He must have sealed himself off from you,” Luke dismisses her with a flick of his wrist, his eyes wandering back to the holoscreen. Rey grips the edge of the table, her fury gathering as a cloud around her until it explodes, the holopad popping and sizzling in Luke’s hand as he drops it to gaze at her, mouth round in astonishment. 

“Rey,” he begins.

“No!” She overrides him in a rush. “I can always sense him, Master Luke. Even if it’s just a feeling, a space he occupies in my mind. And it’s gone. There’s a void there now and I don’t know if I will ever get him back!” She know she sounds hysterical, her voice pitching high at the end, the tears she is holding back starting to glimmer in her eyes. Hastily, she runs the back of her hand over her face and stands up. Luke says nothing, his eyes steady on her reddening features. 

“Rey, is there something going on that you aren’t telling me? Do you have a Force bond with Ben?”

“Yes, of course! How do you think I picked up those tricks so easily? That I’m already starting to beat you at lightsaber sparring? Oh, I know you’re holding back but I lifted them all from his mind! Or how do you think I can find him so easily for you? I’m not just picking up his signature, he masks it too well for that as you well know!” 

She is pacing now and Luke sits quietly, tracking her movements. He bows his head and closes his eyes. She watches him, her foot tapping as she feels him reach out for Ben. His eyes fly open. 

“We need to find him Rey. I can’t feel him either and something is wrong with the Force. It feels, well, sluggish.” He looks at her in disbelief, trepidation on every line. “Do you love him?” She bites her lip, says nothing. They sit in silence, the air growing heavy with expectation as Rey fidgets. Finally she relents. 

“I don’t know what love is. I know I love Finn. I know I love General Leia. I don’t know what I feel for him. But sometimes, when I'm meditating, I feel like I’m living different lives and they all revolve around him...” Her voice trails off and her eyes grow distant. Goosebumps spring up on her arms and she rubs them vigorously. 

“We’ll find him, Rey,” Luke says determinedly, getting up to march to Leia’s quarters. Rey does not follow, staring sadly at the ground, reliving the kiss Kylo had pressed to her mouth, the feel of the tentative sweep of his tongue. She was relieved, ecstatic, terrified, longing for more. She sat awake at night, turning it over in her mind, carefully picking over the images she had seen in him, in the ones that came to her haltingly, faintly. She had glimpses of other lives, mere flashes. She gleans from Kylo that he had seen more, that he lived through the whole thing. She had awaken drenched in sweat, a pulsing between her thighs that she could not understand. 

Unsure of what to do, she confides in a nameless nurse, pity in her green eyes, who gives her brochures, encourages her to mingle in the cantinas on base. Rey is not unfamiliar with bars. She finds herself pressed against a dark corner, a lieutenant’s hand wandering over her body. She feels herself respond but she can never move past the wet lips leaving lingering marks on her skin, damp in the air. It doesn’t awaken her. She knows that Kylo’s kiss triggered something within her, a recognition. She goes to the gym and pounds her frustration into weight bags, into fighter droids until her body is strung tight and lathered in sweat. 

_ Come home _ , she begs him in her mind.  _ Even if only to finish what you’ve started. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take that ending however you want...


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo learns the consequences of stepping through universes

Kylo jerked awake, his arm tingling, trapped under Ren’s head. He blinked and rubbed the dirt in his eyes, pushing out the lingering sensation that he could hear Rey in his mind. As carefully as possible, he extracted his left arm from under her, shaking it to remove the prickling in his fingers and wrist. She moaned quietly and rolled over, tucking her knees against her chest. Kylo draped the blanket around her shoulders and climbed out of bed. After a few frustrated moments of trying to remember how she rattled about in the kitchen, he figured out how to make caf. Only the warm bitter smell convinced he made it correctly as he listened to the bubbling in the machine. 

He wandered around the apartment, taking in photos, rifling through books. He discovered a computer, he thought, larger than his universe, with a keyboard and letters he can’t understand. He closed his eyes, reached out for the Force, and felt a twinge, relief flooding his system. It was there, he could feel it. Roth was correct--his cells were adapting to this world. He opened his eyes to see the letters blur in front of him. They moved just behind his understanding and slowly he pecked at the letters as they revealed themselves before him. The system was asking for a password and he typed in “Rinalda” hesitantly. The computer pinged and opened to another screen. Password accepted. He snorted lightly. This Beckett with the silly name was almost too easy to figure out. 

After some cursing when fiddling with the strange folder configuration, he started flipping through, looking at more photos, at stories, at written comms between Beckett and a publisher, a banker, barely restrained missives between Beckett and his parents. Kylo recognized the anger simmering beneath the words as his own. The frequent chastisements to reach out to his uncle. Kylo shook his head, wondering if Beckett was paying the family penance too. 

He padded to the kitchen, poured himself a caf and grimaced at the bitterness. Rummaging through what he took to be a food storage unit, he discovered something like bantha creamer and added some until it was bearable. As he stirred the caf, he stared out the window, watching the figures scurry below, another gray day ahead of him. He wondered what this place was like. He wondered where Roth was, if he was ok, if non humanoids existed on this world. He sat in a chair near the bed and watched Ren sleeping and wondered if he could ever have this opportunity in his universe. 

Kylo knew he was damned from the moment the Holonet had blared out that Leia Organa was the son of Darth Vader. Young, naive Ben had turned to his uncle, had seen the fear and the guilt warring on his face. He looked at Ben nervously, began to reveal the story of the Skywalker line. His uncle had gripped his shoulders hard, a fanatical gleam in his eyes as he insisted this is why it was Ben’s job to give up his myriad of interests, to focus on being a Jedi, to heal the rifts in the galaxy. To show what a Skywalker could be. 

Restaurants refused to serve them. Store proprietors turned them away. The woman he had carried on a flirtation with changed her comm number. “Why would I want the bloody hands of Vader on me?” she had sneered. He had discovered a weeks old message from his mother. She had known. His father had known. Yet somehow they had not trusted him with his own heritage. 

The boy destined to bring peace and to rule like the prince he was, they all had crowed, . He had believed the lies, had preened under their praise. 

Now he was the fool. Kylo swallowed the bile rising in his throat. No woman would want the grandson of the galaxy’s terror, of the emperor’s attack dog. The invitation to visit the Knights of Ren had come bearing Snoke’s name--a family acquaintance, someone Ben had always felt he could trust. 

Kylo started out of his reverie when Ren stirred in bed. She sat up, a bemused expression on her sleepy face. 

“Did you make the caf?” she asked. He nodded mutely and she chuckled. “Oh, you know how I hate that.You always make it too bitter.” She flung the covers back and stood before him,naked, incandescent. Kylo cleared his throat, twisted his body from her. She grinned at him as if she could read his mind, picking up his hand, and laying it on her belly. He flushed, tried not to stare too openly at her breasts. 

“I love how surprised you seem to be with me. It’s not like we haven’t spent weekends together before,” she purred. Kylo fumbled for an excuse. 

“It’s just been a while,” he ground out and she nodded once.

“It has. Come back to bed.” She tugged him, tumbling back onto the sheets, Kylo bracing himself to  not crush her. Her mouth was already busy on his chest, her tongue laving a nipple and his mind grew fuzzy. 

They spent the morning in bed. He admired the way the light caressed her skin as she rode him, the hitch in her voice as she ground down hard on his hips. He reveled in her giggle as he remembered another life, tied her to the bed using one of the sheets, observed the impatient glee on her as he settled between her legs, running his tongue over her slick musky sex. He knew he should feel guilty. He could feel it waiting for the right moment to move in, to send him into crushing despair. He ignored that now, basking in the pleasure she brought him, replacing her soft cheeks with Rey’s hard lines, her tanned skin, her freckled nose.  

She lounged in the bed while he figured out how to make breakfast. He understood the basics of the machinery after a moment of study and whipped together what he assumed were eggs with vegetables. She giggled over the food, shoved forkfuls into her mouth and he eyed her with distaste. She was about as graceful as his Rey. 

She dragged him out of the apartment as evening fell--or he assumed. The sky only became a charcoal smudge. He followed behind her, laughing at a particularly sassy comment, his heart lightening. He couldn’t remember the last time he allowed himself to meander through a day. Each one had purpose, to serve the Supreme Leader, in whatever fashion he chose. Kylo’s time was not his own. In this world, it was deliciously so and he found himself reluctant to leave it. 

Ren dashed down the street calling for him to follow when Kylo heard his name being called. 

“Ben!” it hissed again weakly. Slowly, unwillingly, he turned to see Roth leaning against a building. Kylo’s eyes widened and curiosity bubbled out of him. 

“Roth! What happened?!” He nearly shouted as he ran up to the translucent man. Roth’s skin was pale and Kylo could see through the very edges of it. The scientist was weak, sickly looking and he leaned heavily into Kylo’s shoulder. 

“This universe--I cannot live in it. We are not meant to live in places not our own,” he gasped out. “Please, take me home.” Kylo wrapped his arm around Roth’s waist, taking some of his weight and helped him hobble back to their entry point. Roth pointed out the markers and they made their way carefully. By the time they reached it, Roth was fading to the point where Kylo’s hand could almost pass through him and Kylo was covered in sweat. 

“Why have I not faded?” he demanded as he tried to recover his breath. Roth slumped against the wall, watching the sunrise through the gap. A welcoming light in an otherwise dull world. 

“You have the Force. It protects you here. Have you been able to use it?” Roth replied weakly. 

“A little,” Kylo admitted. Roth gestured toward the gap. 

“Let me go home.” 

Kylo hesitated. He had not planned on letting Roth live. The man knew too much. He gazed at the diaphanous figure and straightened up, turning to leave. If he walked away, Roth would disintegrate like pollen in the wind. Protected by the Force, Kylo could seize the life he wanted. For a little while. 

“Please,” wheezed Roth. “All my life, all I have had is my work. I lost my wife and my child to the Empire. Let me at least die in the same universe as them so our atoms may join as one.” 

Pity. Shame. The guilt that had been threatening to eat away at him reared up, throwing images of Lor San Tekka crumpled on the ground, the betrayal in Luke’s eyes, the fear in Rey’s, the bliss in Ren’s as she moaned another man’s name each time he thrust into her. 

Wordlessly, he snarled and whipped out the cylinder and began to focus on the Force, gathering its thin strands around him. 

“Beckett? What are you doing? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” The clear low voice of Rinalda cut through his concentration and Roth almost collapsed weeping. Growling, Kylo shoved her out of his mind, propelling his irritation into the cylinder and when he felt the telltale tremble, keyed in the code. He felt Ren come up next to him, crying out when she saw Roth, screaming about a ghost. Kylo almost rolled his eyes as he edged the hooked light beam to the gash and slowly dragged it a few metres. Rey would never scream about a ghost, he was fairly sure. 

He knew he had been lying to himself. He was a weapon, a knight belonging to another. He could never serve a false queen. He ripped open the portal and the two suns lit up the dim alley. Ren gasped and took a step back, her heels clicking loudly. Kylo grabbed Roth’s elbow and without gentleness, guided him to the gash. The man was almost gone. Kylo swore he could see atoms melting into the air. He gave a small shove to Roth who tumbled into the other world. He sighed when he saw the thick lekku crystallize into something more solid once Roth hit the ground in the other world. 

“You’re not Beckett,” Rinalda said grimly. Kylo snorted. 

“No I’m not. Did your Beckett have this scar?” He pointed to his face. He noticed she was darker, anger clouding her brow. 

“Yes. I gave it to him,” she replied lowly, walking deliberately toward him. “Right after I found out he was cheating on me.” Kylo hung his head, ashamed. “And yet here you are, the very vision of him, and you take advantage of me, too.”

“Why is he off planet?”

“For work.” She paused. “And to re-think our relationship.”

“You love him,” Kylo breathed.

“Yes.” She blinked back the tears in her eyes, swallowed hard. “I will not let him or you see me cry.” Kylo fidgeted, the guilt eating away at him, screaming at him. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he finally said and she snorted. 

“Just like him. I bet you’re a mess too huh? Do you have problems with your family as well?” Glumly he gave a curt nod and she shook her head, placing her palms on her eyes. “Why oh why has the universe cursed me with you? What transgressions have I committed to be with you?” Her voice wavered as she swallowed the tears, her pride overtaking her righteous anger, her despair. Kylo laid a hand on her shoulder and she jerked away, a sob ripping out of her mouth. She clutched at her throat, breathing hard, fighting the tears threatening to spill out. 

“I hope you are kinder to me in your universe. I hope she destroys you for it,” she hissed. Kylo said nothing, wiping under her eyes with a trembling finger, gathering her composure. 

“For what it’s worth,” he began tremulously., “You were the first woman I have ever slept with.” It was not quite true. He had sex in the past but he had never spooned them, woke up pinned under them. She just shook her head, her face puckering into a mocking smile.

“You should say that to her, not me. We both deserve better than you.” 

“I know,” he said sadly. She stared at him, sniffed a few times before backing away and leaving the alley. Kylo shivered, felt desolation moving through his veins. 

“You messed up there, son,” he heard Roth call behind him and twisted to see the scientist standing, strength apparent in every solid line. His arms were folded across his chest and he shook his head. Strangely numb, Kylo stepped into the gap and after a moment to recover, sealed the gap between the. 

Roth watched him warily as Kylo stumbled and collapsed to the ground. After being without the Force, all of the lives, all of the emotions flooded him, overwhelmed him. He felt almost blind for a moment, could not hear over the singing of the stars and he crabbed backward, Roth’s malevolent intent clear in Kylo’s mind. After a moment his head clears and he stared almost fearfully up at the angry Togruta. 

“You would have left me there to die.” The venom was thick in his voice. 

“You know too much about me.” 

“What are you Ben Solo?” Kylo weighed his options. 

“Let me up and I will tell you.” He kept his eyes averted, feeling for his lightsaber in the house, heard its rattle through the Force as he silently willed it to him. Roth said nothing, observing him through narrowed eyes.

“Come in and speak your piece. If I am satisfied, you may live.” Stiffly he turned and entered the hut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what is going on with this story. I might just let it go and hope inspiration strikes so I can figure out how to finish it. There's gotta be a hard reckoning and I'm not sure I like the dark turn my mind is taking. Thank you for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo confesses his sins.   
> Luke and gang prepare to race to the ends of the galaxy for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More junk from me. I apologize for the geneal lameness of it. 
> 
> Summary of prior events since it's been a while since I updated:   
> Kylo Ren with scientist Roth Dir Joppo went into a parallel universe. There Kylo discovered that the Force kept him alive but anyone else faded away to almost nothing. Kylo also met that universe's Rey--named Rinalda, nicked name Rin--and slept with her. She discovered he was not Beckett, his doppleganger, who had cheated on her. She had thrown him as had seeing Roth fade away. He returned to his universe with Roth who threatened to kill him unless Kylo could explain his actions. 
> 
> Meanwhile, back at the Resistance, Luke discovered Rey's force bond with Kylo and Rey discovered what a Force bond meant.

Kylo shambled into the house after Roth, collapsing into a curved chair that looked softer than it was. Roth busied himself with making tea, fastidiously washing his hands, running a cloth over his face. Kylo closed his eyes and sighed raggedly, the Force flowing through him, the cells on fire in his body. He could feel Roth’s resentment and curiosity as if it were his own. Starlight ran along his skin and he was aware of the hairs on his skin rising in response. He felt the planet heaving beneath him, the mantle seething, his feet not quite secure on the ground. 

He rebuilt his walls, shut his mind off, no longer was overwhelmed by his own presence in the galaxy. As he struggled to open his eyes, exhaustion flooding his system, Roth sat down with two cups of tea and a plate of sandwiches.

“Aren’t you the little housewife,” Kylo sneered but without heat. Roth shrugged and carefully balanced his plate on his knee before taking a small bite. After a moment, Kylo took a reluctant sniff at his own and nibbled around the edges. His stomach was churning, unsettled from his confrontation with Rin, his return to the Force. The only sounds were the clinking of teacups on plates, Roth’s even breathing, Kylo’s nails scratching at the chair arm. 

“So, Ben Solo. The Dark Side,” Roth broke the silence with his measured tones, his eyes cool as he leaned back and steepled his fingers in front of his face. 

“How did you know?” Kylo asked, surprised that he wasn’t astonished that Roth had figured it out. 

“I’m a scientist. I observe,” he replied. “And I observe you are far more like Darth Vader than what I saw of Luke Skywalker or even Ahsoka Tano. Too volatile. Too emotional. My conclusion would be that you are unsure of your place in this galaxy, son.”   


“I’m not your son,” Kylo shot back, his brow furrowing, the tears springing up behind his eyes. He growled and swallowed the unexpected lump in his throat. Roth pulled out a blaster and pointed it squarely at him.

“Talk, son, and let me see if I let you live.” Kylo balked at the chilliness on Roth’s face. 

“Sandwiches and then murder? The First Order could learn a lot from you.”

“And now you are an easy mark, still too weak from the Force.” Roth squeezed the trigger, the bolt flying past Kylo, causing him to jerk aside, a few curls drifting down to the floor. Roth gave him a thin smile. “A haircut, if you will. And a warning. Talk, son, and see if I am not what you think I am and let me know you are not who I think you are. Give me my evidence for my theory.” 

Kylo sat quietly for a beat, weighed the resentment he felt from Roth, mixed with something like sadness, and began to speak. For the first time since he sat at Snoke’s knee, he let the floodgates open. Maybe it was the curiosity mingled with kindness in Roth’s eyes. Maybe it was the fear propelling him that he might die and the relief that came with that idea. 

The intoxicating power Snoke offered him. The regret in his mother’s eyes when he couldn’t contain the overwhelming emotions flooding through him, all of the ecstasy and mournfulness in the galaxy, running freely through a four year old’s mind, making his temper dangerous at times. The guilt his uncle placed on him, the restraints that he had a great power and therefore a great responsibility to the world. The horror in his fellow Jedi trainee's eyes when they saw the holocast, a Senator announcing the shameful history. The sneers on their faces as they turned to attack and Kylo’s choking fear as he tried to protect himself and felt the first real wellspring of power, the Force unfolding before him far more evocatively than through the slow slide into it the way his uncle advocated. 

And how Snoke sprung at his elbow immediately, in his mind at least.

The thud of his classmate’s body hitting the ground, Kylo stumbling that it was self-defense before the rest fell on him and he was swinging madly, erratically, the power intoxicating and he fell, fell, fell to the dark side. Wholly. Unforgivably. The youngest was but a boy, his voice just cracking. Kylo had ribbed him that very morning about the weak mustache he was coaxing along. 

The regret, the knowing in his uncle’s eyes as he returned, the sound of knees creaking as Luke fell to the ground and raked his fingers through the bloodied ground. The doleful look on his face as Kylo stumbled backward, raced toward the shuttle, stranding Luke on a planet of corpses. Snoke singing a song of triumph the entire ride to him, pushing the darkness to engulf him. To eat him whole. 

Roth’s eyes flickered over Kylo’s form once, his gun slowly dipping to the side. 

“I just told you I was an animal, a murderer. I torture on command, I kill when I’m told,” Kylo ground out, the sympathy in the other man’s eyes igniting a fire in him that he didn’t understand. 

“You’re a pawn, nothing more. I was too. Tell me--what changed?” 

“What do you mean?”

“You’re here now. You’re not following orders. So what changed, son?” 

Kylo snarled at the affectionate tone in Roth’s voice. 

“I’m my own man.”

Roth snickered: “Liar.” Kylo made a move to rise and the blaster jerked up. “Ah ah ah. I’m kind, not stupid. I think you confuse the two. Didn’t your parents ever teach you how to convict people to your cause?” Kylo sat sullenly, remembering being locked in his room as his mother rehearsed her speeches before the Senate. His dad gone on another planet, mentoring other kids, spending time with them and not him. Roth merely lifted a brow at the young man slumped in the chair, recognizing the emotions flying across his face. 

“A girl? A boy?” Roth prodded gently. Kylo looked up, surprised. Roth nodded slowly. “You’re in love.” 

“How can you possibly tell?”

“First, you’re breaking the rules. People in love or lust are always ready to break the rules. Secondly, the way you looked at the girl in the other dimension. She was ripping you apart. She look like the girl here you love? Very pretty. Very….” he paused, musing, his eyes half-lidded. “Very dedicated, I imagine.”

“She does. And the one here is not my girl. I don’t love her.”

“Well then, what?” Kylo said nothing, biting his lip hard enough until blood trickled into his mouth. He closed his eyes, let Rey fill his vision, peeked at the Force bond to feel her humming through him.

“She haunts me,” he whispered. “She tasks me. She urges me to be something I no longer know how to be.” Roth was silent as he observed the hollow look on Kylo’s face, the gaunt slope to his cheeks, his hunched shoulders. He was on the run--not just from this Snoke, but from himself. From this girl. He suspected that the girl reminded him of what he could have been, should have been, if it hadn’t been for the disastrous reveal of his lineage. Imagined the pain it had taken a young boy to convince himself that the way to live his life was in a funeral suit. Wondered how parallel universes fit into it and began to see an equation, a way to weave his jumbled thoughts together. He itched for his lab. 

Roth stood up, wandering over to lay a fatherly hand on Kylo’s shoulder. 

“We’ll figure it out, son.”

“I’m not your son.”

“No,” he paused heavily. “But you need a father anyways and here we are.” Kylo did not reply, his nostrils flaring. 

“You won’t kill me.”

“No, I’ll help you. Come downstairs when you’re ready.” Roth ambled toward the door, taking his tea with him, lost in his thoughts. Kylo noted that he began to mumble under his breath again. 

“What if I just leave?” he challenged, his voice more brittle than he liked. Roth shrugged. 

“I’ll still be here waiting for you.” And he opened the door and headed down the stairs. Kylo let his head fall into his hands, stared at the clipped curls on the floor, the grief causing his limbs to tremble. 

* * *

Across the galaxy in a little system, Rey shot up in bed, flushed with Kylo. She was full to bursting, could nearly taste him. The ache in her mind, the hole that had bothered her was full, spilling out so that her hands were shaking. She gulped in air and closed her mind, building her walls, radiating welcome down the bond to him. She hopped out of the bunk and threw her robe on as she jogged down the halls to the General’s private quarters.

She was dancing on her toes, gleeful almost, as she felt Kylo struggle with the Force. She felt a sense of resentment, reluctance, and betrayal fighting for dominance in him and focused on keeping herself open, calm, peaceful. Felt him latch on it for a moment before pulling away just as the General opened the door. 

“Rey? It’s quite late.” But Leia was fully dressed and Rey could smell the caf brewing. 

“Early for you, though,” Rey responded and slipped by Leia as the older woman beckoned her into the room. 

“He’s back,” she announced. Leia was quiet, her face carefully composed as she poured out two cups, doctored Rey’s so it was light and sweet. Leia preferred hers dark and strong, a taste she had acquired through the years. Rey murmured her thanks, her head down when Luke slid into the room silently, Artoo at his heels. 

Leia sat heavily down behind her desk.  

“And back with Snoke, I take it.” She was resigned and Luke stood behind her, one hand on her shoulder. 

“No. He’s nowhere near the First Order. He’s so far he’s almost faint,” Rey argued, her cheeks pinking. 

“I feel him too Leia. Faint. Distressed,” Luke replied, his voice dry and papery. Rey darted to the kitchen to make him a hot chocolate. Always the farm boy, Leia had teased when she had first served it to him in Rey’s presence. She kept packets stashed for a quick mixture of dehydrated milk and cocoa powder. Luke smiled gratefully, cupping the warm mug to his hand. Moisture stuck to the windows in thick droplets, the dark green jungle beyond Leia’s office thick and sinuous. 

“I can find him,” Rey said eagerly. “I can use the bond to pinpoint him.” She laid a hand on her belly, the bond almost like a chain from her. She felt it pulling at her, the Force pushing her. She had fought it at first, accepted it finally as Luke began to explain what it could mean. She had gotten used to Kylo’s presence in her mind and the few days without him almost drove her mad. It was as if she had lost use of her limbs. Her ears had felt stuffed with cotton, food had tasted like sand--all pleasure in the world grey and useless. 

“Pull up a map, Artoo,” Luke ordered while Leia asked: “What would we do if we found him?”  Neither Rey nor Luke said anything, their eyes on the map Artoo had projected above them. The droid whistled, low and somber. 

“We’ll figure it out, Leia. There’s still good in him,” Luke entreated. Leia gave him a wan smile. 

“You said that about Vader.”

“And Father was. Kylo is in the same. We can bring him back.” Rey said nothing, her eyes tracking through the stars, letting the Force direct her gaze to one arm of the spiral galaxy. 

“And what will we do? They will break him, hang him, make him pay for the First Order. I can’t keep my baby safe,” Leia’s voice wavered and she pulled back. She hid her mouth with her hand while Luke crouched beside her. 

“Leia. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my nephew. You know that. To protect you, sister. Trust me. Trust the Force.” Leia’s eyes glimmered with tears. 

“I lost Han, Luke.”

Rey averted her eyes, tried to close her eyes on what was an intensely private moment. The General did not let people see her grieve often. She had pushed through the weeks after Han’s death, leading the Resistance in one victory after another, even when the New Republic muscled in and threatened to take over. 

“He’s here. Somewhere in this part of the galaxy,” Rey whispered. 

“Come with us, Leia,” Luke urged. “I feel like you need to be there.”

“No, I need to be here with my troops.” Rey closed her eyes, reached for the Force and felt the truth in Luke’s words.

“No he’s right, General. You should be there,” her voice was misty, her eyes glazed. Leia took in the sight of the two Force users, the intensity in their faces and sighed, feeling her age in every movement. 

“Tell Chewie to prep the Falcon, Artoo. And call Dameron in here. I need to brief him while I’ll be gone,” Leia finally said, her voice thick. Luke gave her a soft smile and turned to Rey, examining where she pointed. They both lost themselves in the Force, in the whispers of the galaxy all around him. Rey felt Kylo’s distress, felt the desire to be with him wash over her and promised herself to listen to the Force, to quiet the screaming fit her conscience was pitching. 

  
_ Soon, _ she promised. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I continue this?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three mentors have conversations with their proteges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys asked for more so here it is. Thanks for your support. I've been really struggling with this. It's almost writer's block but more like a reluctance since it's probably not going to have the happily ever after. It's like I've written one of those and now it's just suffering, suffering, suffering. Poor kids. But I'll finish this thing if it kills me. 
> 
> Anyways, if you would like to stay along on this damaged train ride, thank you. I am deeply grateful and humbled by your comments. Thank you to all those reading, leaving comments and kudos. 
> 
> I've been calling this chapter in my head "three conversations with hand holding." Although I don't think Roth and Kylo hold hands but hey, they could. No kink shaming here.

The conference room on the Resistance base was quiet, the only sound the hush of the air cooling unit. Ransolm Casterfo sat in a chair, hands folded on his lap, eyeing a remorseful Leia across from him. The tea on the table had long since cooled. He had muted his datapad, the rings every few seconds forcing Leia to scowl at him as she outlined her plan.  

“It’s foolish for you to leave at this time,” he said at last, his voice measured. Leia shrugged and tilted her head. 

“I’m a mother, Casterfo. My son needs me,” She smiled wanly and stood slowly. “You, Seastriker, and Ackbar could command any issues which may arise while I’m gone. Dameron has my complete confidence with the air corps.”

“He’s on Bakura with New Republic personnel trying to broker an agreement,” Casterfo interrupted. Leia walked toward him and laid a fond hand on his shoulder. He reached up and gripped it tightly. “Leia, I don’t want what happened to Han happen to you. You’re important to me. To the Resistance.”  

Leia gave a small shake of her head, Casterfo’s eyes glued to her small form, adoration in every line. She had risked the fledgling Resistance to rescue him from his death sentence without asking him to join ranks.  He nonetheless had, slipping into the shadows to rely on his network of informants to supply the Resistance with vital information about Senate doings, Outer Rim politics, and First Order movements. Her spymaster, she would call him, and the scar along his cheek would smile along with his mouth. 

They had not been gentle to him on his world. It hadn’t mattered, they believed, as they ripped into him. He was a walking corpse.  

Casterfo squeezed her hand. Leia believed in mercy. She believed in context. She framed things in a reasonable way, winning over hesitant allies with her conviction, alienated uncertain groups with her fire. 

He could almost imagine himself in love with her if Casterfo wasn’t aware of the wide gulf in their ages, in their experiences, in their caution--him with plenty, her without out, teetering on reckless at times. If he didn’t saw the daily devotion to Han Solo in her. Even now the grief hung around her, tightening the skin around her eyes, drawing lines around her mouth. 

“I’ll keep us going,” he promised, vows made with his heart, laying a light kiss on her knuckles. 

“Watch Dameron. His temper could get us in trouble.”

“Unflagging devotion to you, you mean,” Casterfo chuckled dryly. “He won’t hear a word against you and many former Centerists are still in charge in the Senate.” 

“There aren’t too many Senators left who remember the old battles,” Leia retorted, sadness softening her strident tone. 

“There’s enough,” Casterfo relied soberly. “And they put the Hosnian system squarely on your shoulders. You should have known about Starkiller.” Leia’s shoulders sag at the oft heard rumor and she closes her eyes. He knows her body well enough to know its not defeat; she’s battling rising frustration. He waits for her reply but she doesn’t answer. Instead, she quietly exits the room, grim determination in every step. His lips twitch, almost a grin, before he returns to his datapad to review all of the information Threepio had collected from his droid spy network. 

* * *

Kylo awake suddenly, his mouth dry and thick with something sour sticking to his tongue. He uncurled himself from the chair, stretching until his joints popped. He could hear Roth singing, saw a covered plate on the table, the morning light streaming through the blinds. He was still alive. He did not dream of her last night. In fact, he dreamt of nothing. Shrugging, he tore into the cooled breakfast before heading down to the lower level, Roth madly scribbling onto his datapads, muttering under his breath.

He shuffled near him, hands fisted tightly to his thighs, unsure of where to start. Roth looked up, eyes rounded by his glasses. 

“I do love her,” Kylo began in a rush. Roth was hunting for an instrument and when he found it, he walked around Kylo, running it up and down his body. “What are you doing? Didn’t you hear me?”

“I did. I ran some checks while you were sleeping to see what effects stepping into a parallel universe would have on us. It seems to have affected both of us but the effects have diminished. You were affected less than me and I’m starting to wonder what role the Force played into this.”

“The Force has no place for science,” Kylo growled, miffed Roth had not wanted to discuss Rey. He also found Roth’s belief that the Force could be described by equations and charts to belittle what he knew to be true about it. 

“Everything can be described or explained by science, Kylo. The Jedi of old used science to find other Force users in the galaxy. I, of course, found their thesis to be incorrect, but that doesn’t mean the idea was poor,” Roth explained as he puttered around the lab. Kylo sank down on a stool. He sat quietly for a few moments as he watched Roth work. 

“Show me?,” he asked softly, almost reluctantly. Roth smiled broadly. 

“I thought you would never ask.” He invited Kylo to pull his stool up and began to walk through some of the data he had collected since their arrival. Kylo found him a patient teacher, even stepping back to explain concepts that Kylo had forgotten, his stylus flying over the datapad as he drew a quark, an atom, what he imagined the Force particle to be, how there were dark and light particles clinging together. For every light there was a dark. Of course, Roth had no way to test it but Kylo listened intently to every word. He felt Rey nudging along their bond and he cracked it open, felt her interest ripple through him. 

“We have company coming,” he said abruptly. 

“Good or bad?,” Roth asked, calmly straightening. Kylo shook his head.

“It’s my mother so it’s both,” he replied wryly, his heart leaping into his throat. Roth reached over and laid a hand on his shoulder. 

“Whatever you want to say, let’s work on it together.” His face was solemn. Kylo nodded once and closed his eyes, tapping into the bond to let Rey know where he was. He was surprised by the give and take of their relationship--she usually wasn’t this open and eager with him and wondered again if she had the visions as well. Wondered if it was the kiss and burned with regret for what happened with Rin. 

“Another day or so until they are here,” he stated at last, opening his eyes to see Roth holding up another instrument, his eyes wide from what he saw on the screen. 

“What is it?” Roth waved him off and returned to one of his screens, making notations, correcting a sprawling equation that Kylo could barely decipher. He recognized some of the characters anyways. Nervous, although he wouldn’t speak it, he headed out to run through some forms with his saber, to stretch, to run laps between Roth’s home and his shuttle, trying to work out the knot forming between his shoulders. 

* * *

Rey tilted her head, considering what she had seen through Kylo’s eyes. She hadn’t known a Force bond could do that--merge their two minds into one for a moment, allow her to see what he was seeing, hear what he was. The little scientist--she had never seen another life form like that--had been chattering away about the Force atom and she didn’t quite follow but understood the mechanisms enough to sense that Kylo was trying to figure out the visions. She had sensed something rush through him, something that tasted like regret, but wasn’t sure. She planned to ask him about it as she corrected the coordinates she had input earlier into the Falcon's navicomputer.

“Are we close?” Luke asked as he entered the cockpit.

“About twenty hours out. Get some rest,” Rey suggested. Instead Luke settled into the co-pilot chair, his face grave.

“Leia is resting,” was all he said. Rey shot him a concerned look, her brows knitting together in puzzlement. After a beat, she ignored him and continued to make minor tweaks to the route the Falcon had planned, relying on the Force to find shortcuts and to get to the tiny world in the farthest edges of the galaxy faster. 

“Rey we need to discuss your Force bond with Ben.”

“Can’t we discuss it with him?”

“I think you need to be prepared what a bond can mean.”

“I understand,” Rey replied offhandedly, not facing him, hoping her cheeks weren’t burning. She wondered if Luke knew how she would wake up in the morning, desire flooding her body, Kylo pulsing through her, the line between them blurring before he hastily erected his walls. She had determined that he was dreaming when that happened because she never got that close when he was awake. 

Except for now. She wondered what changed. 

She knew she had. 

“If he dies, you’ll feel like dying,” Luke said solemnly. “It’ll feel as if you lost yourself. If he falls into the dark side, you too will be overwhelmed. Even now, I wonder if the desire you feel for him is yours or his.” Rey’s mouth dropped open before she snapped it shut and turned to fully face him. 

“I’m sorry, what?”

“The bond, if nurtured, essentially can merge you two.”

“No, about the dark side. Kylo is on the dark side,” Rey said quickly. Luke favored her with a sad smile. 

“No, he teeters. Rey--the more time you spend with him, the more you tap into this bond, the stronger it grows. Even now I see it’s gone from a feeble link to something stronger, a thin chain between you two. If it continues to grow,” he paused and Rey could see the fright slid into his eyes. “If he goes back to Snoke, I don’t know what will happen to you.” Rey’s lips tightened. 

“Then we won’t let him go back to Snoke.” Luke blew out his breath, exasperated. 

“Even now Snoke’s on his way to reclaim Ben. I don’t know if you are ready for that fight. Because if you and Ben have a bond, imagine what Snoke has with him. Snoke has been in Ben’s mind for a long time.” Rey bit her lip, her mind racing through the implications. She squared her shoulders. 

“We can’t lose him, Master Luke.”

“I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” she assured him, reaching across to hold his hand. Luke gave her a wan smile, uncertainty on his lips. Rey faced out the cockpit window, at the mottled blue of hyperspace and wondered how much time they had before Snoke arrived. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't quite get midi chlorians so no, they aren't in here. But Higgs-Boson can hang around. 
> 
>  
> 
> You can bug me at Tumblr at [HausCrashBurn.](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hauscrashburn)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roth and Kylo invite Luke, Leia, and Rey to tea.   
> Snoke crashes this party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your kudos and comments. I really appreciate you continuing along with this. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.

He felt her before the ship even hit the system. Light bloomed behind his eyes and he shook his head, his nose flooded with the smell of her--clean, soap, softly fruity. Something like freesia, he thought, and he nodded at Roth who moved his goggles to rest on his forehead. 

“They’re coming,” Kylo ground out, building blocks around his mind as rapidly as he clipped on his light saber. Roth followed him out, his blaster strapped to his leg, another behind his back and a knife in his boot. Kylo snorted and Roth gave him a grim smile. 

“I’m a scientist, not a fool.” He laid his hand on Kylo’s arm. “I won’t leave you, son.” 

“I’m not your son,” Kylo repeated without any heat. They tossed these words at each other, Kylo’s protest barely making an impact on Roth’s affection for him. He could barely comprehend how a man he almost let die would want to be his father. Could barely comprehend why his own father had stroked his face before he fell. 

He had told Roth about that fateful confrontation. Pity overtook the older man’s face. Kylo expected disgust and shrank away from the warmth in Roth’s eyes. 

“My mother is here,” Kylo said, his voice harsh in the quiet room. Roth shrugged and patted Kylo again. Kylo swallowed hard, tasted the tenor of his mother’s signature vibrating in the Force. Fear, resentment, love. 

He walked rapidly to the landing pad. They had zeroed in on his shuttle and were landing next to it. He saw the Falcon shoot overhead as his and Roth's boots crunched along the pebbly path, cloaks wrapped tightly around them in the chilled air. 

His heart raced as the ramp lowered and he found himself gripping his lightsaber tightly. More for comfort than for battle, he told himself. He did not want to fight his mother. He watched legs walk down, develop into Luke Skywalker and drew in a shaky breath. 

Roth stepped in front of him, blocking any direct shot. Both Luke and Kylo’s eyes widened. 

“I am Dr. Roth Dir-Joppo. Who are you?,” Roth challenged, his hand resting lightly on his blaster.

“That’s Luke Skywalker,” Kylo hissed. At the same time, Luke offered a gentle smile. 

“I’m Luke Skywalker, Dr. Dir-Joppo. I am pleased to meet you.” He held out his hand as he walked toward them and Kylo skidded back, his heart in his throat. He could see the lines on Luke’s face, the caution in his eyes. “I’m not here to hurt you, Ben.”  Kylo opened his mouth to retort until he saw her walk out. He closed his lips and looked away. Roth eyed them both warily. 

Leia sized up the men with her cool measured gaze and strode toward Roth. She held out her hand and smiled softly, but her eyes were on Kylo hulking in the back, swathed in gray and black. Her heart slammed against her ribs and she squeezed her eyes shut at the sight of Ben’s face. The unwelcome image of him as a gangly teen, his ears sticking out, an awkward haircut courtesy of an overeager Threepio. The sheer earnestness on his face as he kissed her cheek goodbye before he boarded the ship with Luke. His face now grown into those ears, drawn, a man. She choked back a tear and gave Roth a smooth face. His eyes missed nothing, she mused, and knew he had caught every thought going through her mind. 

“Dr. Dir-Joppo. Pleased to meet you. I am Leia Organa,” her voice was creaky in the dim afternoon light. Roth grinned. 

“Princess Leia. I am so pleased to meet you after all these years,” he made a sweeping bow as he spoke, to Leia’s surprise and Kylo’s consternation. Luke watched Kylo guardedly but was not affected by Roth’s display. He was used to people’s deference toward his more regal sister. 

“Do I know you? And it’s general now,” she corrected.

“I worked for you father on Alderaan just before the Empire. Improving weather prediction software for the farming regions. Then I was taken away and moved into the Empire’s…..experimental labs.” Leia’s throat tightened. She was aware that the Emperor had plundered each planet for their riches, including talent. She had no idea this man had worked for Bail Organa, her true father. 

“Please come to my home. I can serve some tea and we can talk as if we are civilized,” Roth asked, gesturing in the direction they had come. Kylo saw Leia’s consideration, noted the way she refused to look directly at him and felt his heart constrict.

This was also unexpected. 

Roth led the way, marching back to his home with Leia next to him, asking her questions about her general status. Kylo and Luke watched them go. 

“I don’t want to fight you,” Kylo began.

“That’s good because I don’t either.” 

“Where’s Rey?” It slipped out and he groaned inwardly. His mental shields wavered and he felt the pull, his belly twisting. She was on board and he headed toward her before Luke shot out an arm. Kylo stopped up short. “Yes?”

“Who initiated the Force bond? You or her?” Luke’s eyes gleamed intensely. 

“I believed it happened when I tried to probe her mind for the map to you. And she--”

“Probed right back into yours,” Luke finished for him, his lip curling. He shook his ragged mane. “Together. It was forged together. No wonder it’s so strong.” Kylo hesitated and remembered his conversation with Roth who had encouraged him to be open. 

“I think it was made worse because she went back into my mind while we were fighting on Starkiller,” he admitted. “I felt her reach out and I reached for her too.”

“Is that what happened?” Rey breathed and Kylo skidded back, his heart leaping into his chest. Rey gave him a cheeky grin. “You were shielding too tightly.” 

“Stay out of my head,” he gasped. 

“I can’t do that since you’re in mine. And we’ve got this Force bond thing.” As she spoke, she moved her hand between them. He found the casual gesture adorable. Her eyes were bright, the fading light of the sun warming her skin. He knew she was taking the opportunity to look at him openly too, her eyes roving over his face. Responding to her unspoken need, he pushed back the cowl of his cloak and saw her eyes gaze hungrily at his curls. He wanted to take the bands off her hair, run his fingers through it, already knew how silky the strands would feel. 

He wondered whose desire was fueling the moment. Wondered where they frack it originally came from. 

Luke coughed quietly. 

“We three need to talk.” 

“Of course,” Rey and Kylo said together. Their feelings began to blur in proximity to one another. Kylo thought that would be a problem. Rey thought it would be a good idea. Luke thought this would be a disaster. 

They managed to make it back to Roth’s place without any more comment but Kylo had reached over to brush the tips of his fingers against Rey’s. This was wrong, he told himself, as she ran a finger up his palm and back before pulling her hands in front of her. But the bond hummed happily, content. He knew he was feeling something akin to peace but wondered how much of it was hers. He wanted to tear her away from Luke, lock her up and discover how much of what they felt was hers and how much was his. 

Roth had tea set out as well as some soup and sandwiches. Rey, predictably, fell upon it with gusto. Luke and Leia sipped quietly and listened while Roth spun his tale. Kylo gazed at Rey, amazed that he could feel the tangy heat of the soup on his tongue as she ate, the crunch of the water cucumbers in her mouth.  His lips buzzed as she wiped her hand across her mouth. He caught himself wondering about the mechanics of something and shook his head.

He rarely thought about the mechanics of things. 

Roth was droning on about how the Cosmic Force and the Living Force. How they were separate and yet the same, and how the Cosmic Force moved across parallel universes. How Kylo seemed particularly attuned to it and could he test the other girl too, he had a theory about it. Leia looked overwhelmed. Luke’s chin rested in his hand, his gaze thoughtful.

“This is all well and good,” Leia began rustily. “But science doesn’t help us with the fact that Ben murdered his father. He’s a wanted criminal.” 

“In your systems,” Rey hissed as Kylo opened his mouth to say the exact words. Roth appeared delighted and picked up a data tablet to begin to take notes. 

“Rey,” Leia murmured, shocked. Luke rested his hand lightly on her knee. 

“Is Ben facing war crimes?” Roth asked, absentmindedly. “We are not in your jurisdiction. You would need to convince him to go back with you.” His orange face was pleasant but they all sensed the violence skimming underneath. 

“You would keep him here with you?” Leia’s surprise was ashes in Kylo’s mouth. 

“What is there for me to go back for?” he shot out. 

“You could finish your training,” Luke suggested blandly. Fear rippled through Kylo and he was frustrated that he couldn’t tell if it were his own or Rey’s.

“I don’t want to be a part of the New Republic!”

“What do you want to be a part of Ben?,” Leia shouted, rising now. “You rejected the Jedi, you’re on the run from the First Order. What do you want?!”

“I don’t know!,” he cried out, tears springing to his eyes. He sniffled and stepped away from the table. 

“Come with me and find out, Ben. You’re not all dark,” Luke entreated. “There is a way to find a balance. You know you won’t find it with Snoke. He is all or nothing.” There was nothing said for a moment and Rey fidgeted in the heavy silence. 

Luke spoke again: “I know what happened at the Academy was mostly him directing you. And you acting in self-defense.” Shock shook Kylo to his core. Rey’s mouth dropped open. 

“What do you mean, self-defense?”

“They attacked him when they found out he was Vader’s grandson,” Roth supplied. Luke raised a brow at him and Roth shrugged. “Not much to do here but work and talk. He’s needed a sympathetic ear for a long time.” Leia gazed at him gratefully and reached over to squeeze his hand. 

Kylo growled. “Snoke will never let me go.”

“So we make him,” Rey declared. “He can’t beat all three of us.” 

“Yes he can! Snoke is the Force itself!” His desperation flooded the bond, Rey rising from her seat, her eyes as wild as his. She bared her teeth at him, their emotions beating at one another, blending until his heart beat at the same rhythm as hers. And the damn shields were up, he thought in astonishment. He felt the Force crashing over them. 

“Snoke is on his way,” Luke said steadily. Kylo shook his head. 

“We’ll fight him. We should make a plan,” Rey said. Leia pursed her lips.

“Can someone be the Force itself, Luke?”

“Anakin was,” Luke, Rey, and Kylo all spoke at once. Rey’s hand shot up and pressed against her mouth and Kylo knew his thoughts were bleeding into hers. He grimaced and noticed Roth gesturing slightly with his head to the table by the door. Kylo smiled gratefully at him and Rey whimpered as gratitude filled her face. He felt her anger, raw and fierce, scrabbling for her beloved independence. 

Understood every moment of her. 

“Is Snoke as well?” Leia asked, training her eyes on Kylo and Rey, unsure of this new development.

“No,” Luke replied. “He is powerful but he’s not the Force itself.” He closed his eyes, raised his head, almost as if he were scenting the air. “He’s landing.” The sounds of an engine filled the room and the group rushed outside to watch two trooper carriers settle down, a large Upislon shuttle between them. 

Snoke was here. With reinforcements. 

Fear and anticipation whirled through Kylo. He was sure the anticipation was Rey’s. Or was it? He dashed back into the hut and grabbed the tool on the table. 

“I’m not ready!” he cried. The ramp on the shuttle lowered and Luke lit his lightsaber. 

“Go!” Roth shouted into the rising wind. “I’ll cover you!” 

“Ben what are you doing?” Leia screamed. Kylo ignored her, jamming the Force into the sky slicer and slashing through the universe’s fabric. Another world blinked at him and in a flash, he grabbed Rey at her waist, slung her across his shoulders, shouting an apology to them, and leapt. He gritted his teeth as the awful terror, mind numbing horror accompanying the jump ran through him. He slid to the ground on the other side, Rey falling back, her face white.

Quickly he turned and closed the gap between the worlds, Luke’s mouth open and fury on every line on his mother’s face. The wind whistling loudly between the worlds dimmed as he slid the tool across the gap, slowly sealing it. 

The silence was deafening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Kylo and Leia were not confrontational as much as avoiding one another. Too be fair, I think that's their dynamic. Also, there's a lot to deal with on both their parts, not including the fact that Kylo is experiencing everything Rey is. 
> 
> Well, now he's got her alone :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey, alone in another universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter summary: Kylo spliced open the universe and leapt through it, dragging Rey with him. 
> 
> I am a terrible writer. But I believe next chapter there may be some kissing. Some feels.

Rey’s heart leapt in her chest, almost painfully punching against her ribs as pain skated over her skin. She shook her head to clear her mind of the numbing leap she and Kylo had took. 

And realized she could no longer hear him. Her thoughts were only hers, the desire that had been thrumming through her body, winding her tighter than a string, absent now. She took in his confused face, the moonlight turning it pale and cold, as she stood up and looked around. 

“Where are we?”

Kylo shrugged. “Another universe?” Rey glared at him, panic at the edges before she fought it down. She’d been in stranger places, she reasoned. 

“Define another universe.”

“This tool here can cut through the fabric between parallel universes. There is more than one dimension.” Like Roth before him, he waved his hand in the air. “See? I just touched a hundred other universes, all separated from us by the simplest wall. The Force can slice through them. We did.” Rey’s brow furrowed as she absorbed that information. She walked toward him, ran her hand through the air, and felt nothing, no sign they came through another galaxy. She whirled to face Kylo.

“We have to go back.”

“No, we don’t,” he said abruptly.

“Yes, we do,” she insisted. “We left them to face Snoke and a whole fleet of stormtroopers!” Panic and anger warred within her at his carelessness. 

“First off, mother had a whole cadre of X wings hanging out behind one of the moons. I can't believe you didn’t feel them. Secondly, that was not Snoke. Snoke’s presence is…...well, let’s just say it was overwhelming.” 

“Luke said Snoke was on his way.”

“Probably, but to pick up the pieces. Snoke doesn’t risk himself if he doesn't have to. That’s why the Knights of Ren exist.”  Rey scrutinized his face, searching for any sign of deception, frustrated that she couldn’t tap into the bond, slither into his mind as usual. His features were bland and she blew out her breath. 

“How come I can’t feel the Force?” 

“It’s muted here. It keeps us alive, although I don’t know for how long,” he admitted. She raised her brows at that while surveying the area. They were in a meadow, she surmised, late at night judging by a large moon and stars in patterns utterly alien to her. A tree rustled in a gentle breeze, the night warm against her body. A lake gleamed below. There seemed to be no lights, no sign of civilization. 

“And you don’t know where we are? We just jump and hope for the best?” She didn’t fight hard to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. He offered her a weak smile. 

She realized that without the bond between them, she didn’t feel an overwhelming need to touch him, to be with him. She mostly felt some sort of apathy and caution, she noted with surprise. The desire must have been all his, she thought, with an edge of relief until she was reminded of the visions, the dreams of other versions of them, the tenderness, the heat. She clenched her thighs tightly as heat coursed through as one particularly vivid flash of his body on top of hers, the span of his hand on her belly, his fingers dipping below her waistband. 

Those were versions of themselves, she surmised. In other words, visions of parallel universes. With a jolt, she wondered if she would meet them here. If they were drawn to one another across the universes. She eyed Kylo thoughtfully. He gulped and turned away from her, striding purposefully for the water’s edge. He swore softly as he slid on rock as he negotiated his way down the hill, Rey trailing behind him. 

“We really do need to get back, Kylo,” she said through gritted teeth. “It’s wrong of us to abandon them.”

“Is it because you think they care for you? That if you keep running to their rescue, you’ll find a family?” His casual cruelty caused her stomach to plummet and she stopped suddenly in her stride. Hearing her steps falter, he turned to look at her and she leapt at him, her fist flying toward his face. He dodged quickly, grabbing her by the waist, and letting themselves to tumble to the ground. 

She thrust her hips up and pushed him to her left, straddling him. She shoved his shoulders into the ground, panting and he wrenched her wrists away, pulling her down to him. She struggled against him and he tossed her to the side before she headbutted him. Groaning, she climbed to her knees and tackled him fully, grabbing for his hair and shoulders. He slid to the side and rolled over on top of her, firmly grabbing her wrists and holding them outstretched above her head, before settling on her lap. She squirmed underneath his heavy weight. 

“Stop it. Stop it!” he commanded, his voice sharp. She growled at him and to her surprise, he smiled. “There’s the little savage I remember. Fighting me isn’t going to convince me to let us go back. We need to wait it out here for a bit.”

“And why is that?” Rey snarled.

“Because Snoke wants you and me. He wants us both badly but he’ll sacrifice one of us if needs be. Especially me.” She noted the brittleness in his voice at the end and relaxed under him. “Luke is powerful. He can hold his own against Snoke if need be. But I don’t think that’s Snoke. I think that’s Ferino Ren. He can change his Force signature to resemble someone else’s.”

“Can Luke beat him?” Kylo snorted and stood, offering her a hand. After a moment, she grabbed it and let herself be pulled up. 

“Luke can handle him just fine. If not, mom’s a pretty good shot,” he informed her. They stared at one another, she taking in his tousled hair, the regret at the edges of his eyes. She felt achingly empty without the Force and imagined he did too. 

“Where are we going?” He was striding away again, heading south. “Why the lake?”

“I’m thirsty.” She said nothing for a few moments, watched him plop onto the sandy shore and run his nails through the dirt. A calming gesture, she realized. She took the time to walk the lake’s shore a bit, wrinkling her nose at the mossy slick smell, keeping a wary gaze out for traps or predators. At a safe distance, she ignited her lightsaber only to see it spurt and fizzle. 

Her heart trembled. Quickly, she cast around for a weapon and found a branch on the ground, stripping it of smaller twigs and leaves. She gave it a few whirls, hefting in the air, and was satisfied with its weight. It would do, she thought, as she trekked back to Kylo’s dark form on the shore. 

He hadn’t moved, his fingers still in the dirt, his eyes glazed. 

“Do you still feel it?” she asked as she sat beside him.

“Feel what?”

“The, um, you know,” she gestured helplessly, embarrassed that she still couldn’t summon the courage to talk about the feelings that had flooded her system for the last few weeks. 

“Desire? Love?” he hazarded a guess and offered her a lopsided smile. She nodded and followed his gaze over the lake, lapping at the sand, and smiled as she watched a fish leap out of the water. The air was turning hazy and cooler, orange peeking over the hills ringing the lake. She gave a small shiver and was astonished to feel Kylo draping his cloak over her.

“You always dress as if you are in a desert, Rey,” he mumbled. “And yes, I do feel the same way about you as I did before. What you felt before.” She stared at him, her eyes wide with amazement, and he cleared his throat. “Roth has this theory about the balancing of the Force. There is the Cosmic Force and the Living Force. I am tapped into the Living Force more than the Cosmic Force. And you are the opposite. After my grandfather destroyed the Jedi, he did not bring the balance we thought he did. Instead the Cosmic Force dominated, grew more powerful and the Living Force retreated, spoke to no one. The energy that the Living Force feeds into the Cosmic Force allows us to sense all creature's lives, feel the very weight of starlight in our bodies.”

“You speak about it as if it were alive,” she murmured. He turned his bright eyes to her. 

“But it is Rey. The Force is all about us, generated by all living things. The Cosmic Force is the universe preoccupied with the big picture, with the fate of the Cosmos itself. It’s the consciousness of stars. The Living Force is that which binds all living creatures. They are not in balance and they need to be.  Because I’m more connected to the Living Force, I am able to have these visions of us in different universes, of different lives. Roth believes it is the Force telling us that we need to find harmony.”

“And you’ll think we’ll find it in bed?” She was skeptical but her voice was light enough that he could know she wasn’t disgusted by the idea. 

“I don’t know. But I need to find my own balance.” Rey studied his face, the way he was biting his lips, lost in thought. She reached over and threaded her fingers through his.

“Whatever it is, we will figure it out together,” she promised. She felt a giddy sense of recklessness at her words, but her heart sang as if she had done the right thing. His lips twitched and she was pretty sure he was blushing. She looked away to watch the sun rise over the hills, more mountains really, she thought, and they watched the valley awaken from slumber together. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey discover joy with one another, a kind of tenderness she never expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading, kudoing and commenting. I deeply appreciate it.

The dual suns warmed up the valley considerably, sweat sliding down Rey’s back as they trekked around the lake, searching for civilization. One medium sized yellow sun beat down on them, the other large and red encompassed most of the sky.  The dry grass whispered against her legs as Kylo plowed forward, hands jammed in his pockets, lecturing about the differences between the Living Force and Cosmic Force. Despite her building thirst and clinging clothes, she could appreciate the depth of his knowledge and his passion as she listened intently, dogging his steps. 

He stopped abruptly and wiped his brow, his black hair matted to his head.

“This is unbearable.”

“If anyone’s here they won’t come out until evening,” Rey noted. Kylo raised his brow and nodded, recognizing her expertise in hot environments. 

“A red sun is a dying sun. It’s possible there aren’t many people left on this planet,” he mused. “Several planets like this in the galaxy often request assistance and are relocated, usually in a different system.”

“It’s not quite a supergiant yet.”

“Feels like it,” he groaned and walked to the edge of the lake, taking in the light blue water, darkening as it moved further out. The lake was small and here edged by bushes whose leaves were yellowing and drooping. Shrugging, he bent over and pulled off his boots. 

“Nothing lost, nothing gained,” he muttered under his breath, feeling Rey’s eyes on his back as he waded into the lake. Cool water lapped at his ankles and he sighed in relief. Quickly, he stripped off his shirt, peeling off layers, and tossing them on the shore behind him. He stepped cautiously further out, eyes searching for any potential threat in the lake. He vainly wished for the Force here, longed for its protection, before taking a deep breath and ducking below the surface. 

He emerged, throwing off droplets from his head with a quick shake. He turned to see Rey staring at him, slightly open mouthed and crooked a finger at her. 

“Get in. You’ll feel better.” She shifted her weight, clearly uncomfortable. He smirked, felt more than saw her blush as her eyes raked over his body. “I won’t look while you’ll strip.” His promise was light but teasing. Rey narrowed her eyes. She let the staff drop to her side and with a quick grin, he turned around. 

A moment later he felt the water moving around him and peeked over her shoulder. She had tossed off most of her clothes, clad in a light undershirt and her pale knee length pants, gasping in delight as the cold of the water hit her. As soon as she reached her waist she stopped and paused, a mere meter from him. He watched the reflected sunlight from the lake play on her freckles, the warmth in her eyes. She was absolutely beguiling, he thought. Enchanted, he held his hand out to her. 

“I won’t let you drown.” Anger skid across her features and swiftly vanished.

“I know how to swim.” He grinned at her surly tone. 

“Do you? Race you? See that rock out there about 50 meters out? I bet I can bet you.”

“Only cause you’re taller.”

“In that case, I’ll give you a heads start, sweetheart,” he taunted before winking at her. She thinned her lips and eyed the cluster of rocks to the west of them. The water wasn’t too deep, Kylo calculated, as it was more a horizontal swim than striking out to the deep. She narrowed her eyes and tossed her head and he knew she had her. 

“I’ll give you 10 seconds,” he said before beginning to count down. She was diving and scissoring through the water and he raised his brows, admiring her lean form as she deftly cut through the water. After a moment, he dove after her and caught up to her as his long strokes ate up the distance. He tossed her a lazy smile before he he slipped under the water, slid under her to tickle her ribs and watched her bunch up, her mouth popping open and inhaling water. Cursing he shoved her up and out of the water, helping her climb up the rocks as she coughed harshly for a few moments before smacking him in the shoulder. 

“Jerk,” she threw out, without any heat. He offered her a lazy smile, floating in the water next to the rock that she reclined against, fascinated by the way her clothes clung to her, her nipples obvious in her beige shirt, her hair clinging to her long neck. He felt her blood heating up and hoped the cold water could keep his desire from becoming too obvious. She smiled down at him, an odd gleam in her eye and he felt his ears turn red.

“How long will we stay here?”

“Until we get pink and wrinkly.” She snorted.

“I meant in this world.”

“Oh. Um probably until this evening. If you’re right, the predators will come out then and I don’t really want to be some strange animal’s dinner.”

“Do you think it will be over then?” He frowned at her question.

“Should be. Time ran the same between our universe and the one Roth and I explored a few days ago.” 

“What do you think we’ll find?’

“A very disappointed mother and Luke and Roth.” Rey raised an eyebrow at his assessment.

“Why do you think your mother will be disappointed in you? And where did you go last time? What did you see? Was that place more like this or more like where we’re from?”

“Whoa, hold up with the questions! I’m a person, not a droid,” he muttered the last line and splashed lazily back in the water, bobbing on his back. 

“Well?” Rey demanded. 

“Mom has always been somewhat disappointed in me. I’m nothing like Han Solo--I’m an acceptable pilot but nowhere near his genius. And awful at politics. I understand the game but I don’t like it at all. Too many people waiting to act on something so that they look good rather than doing what’s right.” 

“Cowards,” she supplied with a slight quirk of her lips that let him know she agreed with him. His heart felt lighter in his chest as she slipped from the rock and joined him in the water. “But why did you join the Dark Side?”

“It’s complicated,” he offered lamely. “I’m sure Uncle Luke has told you most of it.”

“Yes, but I would like your take.” 

“Too long. Some other time. Let’s just say I found Snoke’s dedication to the Force fascinating and the First Order’s mission to bring to something from chaos admirable. The New Republic is too divided between the Centerists and Populists to do much. Planets that didn’t want to join them were often left to suffer. It was a bad deal all around.”

“Planets are forced to join the First Order. It’s not a choice.”

“And those that chose not to join the First Republic were left to their own devices, offered the worst trade deals,” Kylo all but snarled. “After all, someone in the Republic had to know about you, a child abandoned on Jakku, scavenging for food. And they did nothing.” 

“And the First Order would offer something better?”

“Have you been to a First Order world? There is no starving there. There are food programs.”

“People slip through the cracks,” Rey shot back. They were standing now, water lapping at their waists. Her hands were on her hips, fury in her eyes. “And your stormtrooper program kidnaps babies and forces them into service.” Kylo shrugged at that. 

“That’s Hux’s deal. I don’t agree with it. I want clone troopers.”

“Oh sure, clones. You don’t even have to offer them any choice.”

“What would you prefer? Droids? This galaxy has been at war for eons, Rey. Even before the Galactic Civil War, there were the Clone Wars, the Sith Empires. Who would you prefer to die?”

“No one!” 

“That’s naive, even for you.” His tone was softer than he expected and he reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder. She glowered up at him. “You know the way of people, Rey. There will always be death. It’s a fool's game to try to convince ourselves there is a way to rule without death.”

“Luke doesn’t talk like that.”

“Uncle Luke doesn’t care for politics. As soon as he could, he got out of Mon Mothma’s fanatical control and he went off to recover Jedi history.” Without thinking, he was running his thumb over her plump lower limp, watching her body relax beneath him, almost mindlessly leaning into his touch. His blood surged through him hot and demanding, his mind excited by their debates, the memory of their rough kiss pushing him to claim another. Resisting it, he cleared his throat and let his hand fall.

Rey grabbed his hand and pressed it to her waist. They said nothing for a moment, their breaths loud in the dying world.  He sank down until he was squatting in the water, staring up at her, her eyes bright, her cheeks flushed. He traced circles on her skin, ran his hand up and down her back. 

“Kiss me, Ben,” she whispered. Ignoring the name, he surged up and took her face in his hands, cradling her gently to him before leaning down and placing  his lips softly on hers. He willed himself not to devour her, to be careful, and cautiously tasted her. She opened her mouth to him, twining her arms around his neck and hungrily pushing her body to his. The wet clothes hid nothing, her breasts pert against his rough chest, and she was moaning and his body sang with righteousness. He slid his hand under her bottom, cupping her and lifting, her legs wrapping around his waist. He carried her toward the shore as she tugged her bottom lip into her mouth, planting kisses all along his cheeks, his brow, suckling on his ear, her hands threaded in his hair. 

As soon as he hit the shoreline, he hitched her higher and pulled a nipple into his mouth, rolling it with his tongue, delighting in her whine as she ground her hips against him.

“Why does this feel right?” she asked as he dropped her somewhat clumsily on the ground. Panting he spread his cloak out and pushed her back, taking her mouth in his again. 

“Told you. Two sides of the Force uniting,” he managed to get out as her clever mouth fastened on his neck. They spent a long time exploring one another with their lips, her mouth trailing down his chest, eliciting curses and groans from him. Her breasts fit perfectly in his hands and he ran a tentative thumb over one as he lathed the other with his tongue, carefully kissing the undersides of her mounds, savoring her cries. 

“Rey,” he said, “I won’t take you here. I won’t let this be our first time.” 

“Silly romantic,” Rey whispered into his mouth before nibbling her way down his neck. “Who says that’s your decision?” She pushed him onto his back, straddling him and rocking her hips against his hard cock. He threw his head back and groaned her name. Without care, she tossed off her shirt and he reared up to cover her torso with his kisses, his curious hands, and dipped his fingers below her waist band. She bit her lip and inhaled sharply at his touch. 

She stripped off his pants and feasted greedily on his body. He was content to let her take control, her fingers threaded through his as she slid down on him, a moan escaping as she began to move. He kept his eyes fastened on hers, bright and eager, her head tipped back as desire moved through both of them, his breath ragged, hers loud, and he moved at her direction, saw the pleasure glowing in her eyes as she went over and he closely followed. 

She lay tucked against him, her head on his chest, his hand tracing patterns on her shoulder. A soft breeze slid over their bodies and she shivered.

“We should get dressed and head back,” she said in a drunken tone. He kissed the top of her head. She lifted her head up and looked at him, gravity on every line. “I’m never letting you go, Ben.” 

“Kylo,” he countered, bemused. She stuck her tongue out at him as she stood and stretched. 

“Ben to me,” she replied and quickly shoved on her stiff clothes. Groaning he followed her, idly wondering what his mother and Luke would make of this development. He knew without a doubt they would pick up on it--his mother through her keen observation skills, his uncle  through the Force. Even now, he could feel something else humming through his body, an unfurling and wondered if he was tapping into the Force again. 

Rey led the way back to where they came, or so she estimated from their footprints, their hands linked as they walked. In the tracking area, he trusted her to know more than him. She stood back and he concentrated intently on the device, imagined rather than than felt the Force flowing through him, dividing the atoms between universes.

The air split before them and Rey gasped. Stormtroopers lay on the ground before them, blasters next to limp bodies, the sky red from a setting sun. As far as Kylo could tell, only an hour or so had passed in their universe. He could see a green lightsaber flashing in the distance, a red one roaring near it, and knew Luke was in battle. 

Rey darted forward before he could stop her, faltering as she crossed the boundary. The trip always cost, he thought bitterly. She shook her head and slowly jogged forward, picking up speed as she neared them and igniting her blade. Kylo took a deep breath and held it as he stepped back into his world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For story's sake, Rey is on some b.c but Kylo really should have asked before he let it get too far. 
> 
> As to my comment last week about being a terrible writer--well, this thing has gotten way off track but I feel like I've got the conclusion soon. I'm also stealing horribly from the Mortis episodes from Star Wars: Clone Wars except instead of Light and Dark being separated by the Father, it's the Cosmic and the Living and they must be joined.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the battle at Roth's house. And maybe some shower time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of our kind comments and kudos and for reading this little weird baby. We're about 3/4 the way through. Got our final fights coming up soon. 
> 
> It's a holiday weekend in the States so hopefully I'll get some more chapters out this weekend. Or not.

Kylo shook off the shock of the trip between the worlds, his feet slow and clumsy beneath him. The Force flooded through him, throwing him off balance and he nearly stumbled over the prone form of a stormtrooper. The smell of blood assaulted him and he swallowed hard, keeping his eyes on Rey who raced toward Luke and someone else, blurry figures too far to make out. The bond snapped back into place in a furious rush and he was dizzy with her alarm, her overwhelming need to help. He hastily threw up blocks to protect his mind from shattering under the weight of the Force and her, her, her, always her. 

He hauled in lungfuls of air to clear his head and began to slowly jog after her until a voice rang out over the din. 

“Ben!” He jerked his head to the right, saw Roth striding toward him. He changed direction and ran to Roth, pulling him into an embrace which shocked Kylo as much as the older man. Roth quirked his brow at him.

“Good time over there, eh, son?” Kylo chuckled. 

“Are you ok?”

“Sure, yeah, yeah. I can fire a blaster as well as anyone else.” He stopped, grew serious and lay a hand on Kylo’s arm. “Your uncle has been injured.”

“My uncle?!? Then who has---” His eyes widened. “Mother!” It tore out of him as a howl and he whirled away. He lept over the chasm, using the Force to propel him across safely and he hit the hard ground at a run. He passed Rey who was screaming at him but he didn’t care, panic clawing at his throat. 

His mother had a lightsaber in her hand and was barely fending off Ferino Ren, one of the deadliest and vitriolic knights. With a snarl, Kylo ignited his blade, the sputtering hiss filling the air as he swung hard, blocking Ferino’s red blade aiming for Leia’s head. 

“Ben!” Leia’s eyes were wide, exhaustion rimming them. 

“Your fight is with me, Ferino,” Kylo growled, moving his body to block his mother. Ferino gnashed his teeth at him.

“Traitor!” He pulled back and chopped his blade toward Kylo’s legs. Kylo blocked and moved his blade in a tight circle, sparks flying as they slapped at one another. Ferino used the Force to push Kylo back but the panic had morphed into a protective urge, the Force flowing through him so that he felt light, almost aglow. He waved his hand and Ferino’s mouth dropped open. Kylo smirked and began to furiously attack, his blade moving rapidly through the air. Ferino was on the defense, his feet skittering over the pebbled ground. Ferino had never seen his master fly like this, his blade a blur in the air as he rapidly moved through forms, steadily pushing Ferino closer to the canyon edge. Something other than fury drove him. Ferino shouted something, his words ripped from his mouth by the rising wind. With a growl, he backflipped over Ben. Rolling his eyes, Kylo twisted to see Rey slashing at Ferino as he landed. 

As the storm rose and the clouds began to cover the sun, the light turning a dull rusty color, Kylo and Rey battered at Ferino. Kylo twisted away to check on his mom, resting on a boulder. He felt rather than heard the blade whistling by his neck and he waved his hand, sending a punch into Ferino’s gut. Ferino stumbled back and Rey leapt on him, pummeling at him again and again, her quick footwork keeping the older, heavier man constantly stumbling. Spying an opening, Kylo sliced through Ferino’s arm and watched the knight fall to his knees, screaming in agony. 

Rey let his blade fall to her side, eyes locked on Ferino, her chest heaving. Kylo felt a furious mixture of pride and love fill his heart and he wanted to shove it away. It did not belong here on the battlefield. He eyed the Knight on the ground and saw Leia walk up, blaster in her hand, aimed at Ferino. 

“Where’s Snoke?” she demanded, her voice cracking. To add weight to her question, Kylo lowered his lightsaber so it lay just next to Ferino’s throat, sparks landing on his tunic. Ferino grimaced at the burns but glared defiantly at them both.  

“I’ll never tell you,” he growled. 

“You’ll tell me,” Kylo warned, his voice low and thick. Rey wavered next to him.  _ Is that a good idea? _ She asked him through their bond.  _ We need to know,  _ he threw back. 

“You’ll never get through our shielding! And when Snoke is done razing the Resistance, he’ll come from you! He doesn’t care if it’s you or the girl! If he has one, he will defeat Skywalker and bring balance to the Force,” Ferino laughed, spittle flecking his chin. Leia snorted. 

“Does he know where the Resistance is located?” Ferino said nothing, laughing maniacally. Kylo bared his teeth at him and without hesitation, dove into his mind. Ferino gasped at the intrusion and fought back. Kylo snarled at the blocks in his path, diving harder, the Force pushing through the resistance. 

“You’ll…...never….find…..out…….”he ground out. Kylo pushed harder, finding the traps in Ferino’s mind and deftly stepping through them, weaving his way through the treacherous mind, the desire for murder throbbing in the smaller man. Kylo’s head snapped back when he felt Rey slip her hand into his, joining her power with his. He felt the light twine its way up his arm, into his mind, saturating him with a glow that slid into Ferino’s mind. He felt balanced, felt Rey echo the sentiment back. 

And Ferino’s mind broke open, his memories and knowledge bared completely to the pair. Rey leapt forward, rifling through it, diving toward something specific. Kylo bored through, picking up information as he went. They arrived at the information at the same time and gathered it to them, Kylo smiling triumphantly, a feral edge to it that caused Leia to frown. 

“Do they have our location?” She asked without a wobble to her voice. She disagreed with the method but it was war. She had been tortured at the hands of her own father and knew that war excused everything. Concern was choking her at the thought of her men and women on base, their lives dependent on her keeping them safe. Rey looked up at Kylo and Leia hid a frown. Shet felt the Force flowing between them, a gentle glow that suffused the air around them. It tingled her skin, the back of her mind, and she fought the compulsion to relax into it. 

“No, they have the old one,” Rey answered. 

“But Snoke is looking. He’s at the library,” Kylo added. “We should move quickly.”

“We?” Leia asked, arching one elegant brow. Kylo didn’t respond, simply turning to knock Ferino unconscious and began to march back to the house. 

“Where’s Luke?” he called over his shoulder. Rey jogged beside him.

“Injured. There was a dark wave that entered his mind, attacked him. It was Snoke. He was falling in front of Ferino so I had to do something,” Leia replied. Kylo whirled to face her, concern and anger warring on his face.

“You don’t have lightsaber training, Mom! It was noble what you did but you could have died!” Leia planted her hand on her hips and glared up at him. 

“Would you have cared?”

“Of course! Ferino is a savage! He could have hurt you!”

“Looks like I was hurting him.”

“That’s not the point!” Kylo grasped for the words, found they eluded him. Rey nudged him mentally and he sighed. “I love you, mom. I……”

“Yes?” Tears began to gather in Leia’s eyes and he watched her straighten, struggling against them.

“I’m sorry about dad. I couldn’t lose you,” he blurted, his words blurring together. Rey smiled and wiped at her cheek. Leia stood still for a moment and Kylo wondered if he had messed up. He saw his mom shiver in the cool air and without thinking wrapped his cloak around her. 

“We can talk about it later,” he whispered and placing an arm around her, guided her to the house. It was only a few steps before she allowed herself to lean into him and Rey offered him a small, hopeful smile. 

* * *

“What’s next?” Rey asked as they settled into Roth’s home. Luke was asleep in another room. Roth had tended to him and was applying bacta to Leia’s small wounds. Kylo had bound Ferino the best he could and had dumped him in one of the First Order shuttles. He took a dark pleasure in using his lightsaber to render it unsuitable for flight. Rey had more efficiently disabled the two troop carriers, relying on her knowledge and not her temper. 

Rey reclined in a chair, a cup of steaming tea in her hand. Kylo had rummaged around in the kitchen until he uncovered some soup and had made some sandwiches. Rey had scarfed it down, asked for seconds, and slowed on thirds. Kylo was making another pot of soup for Roth and his mom, chopping vegetables with a steady hand. The bond was not nearly as overwhelming as before. It was strong, it was open, but it was gentle hum in their minds, in their bodies.He could taste something like balance in the air. 

“We find Snoke. You should probably contact the Resistance, let them know what’s going on.” 

“And you?”

“I’m going after Snoke.”

“I’m going with you.”

“The hell you are,” Kylo snapped back, pointing at her with the knife before resuming his work. “If we lost, it would be difficult for mother and uncle Luke to bear. And the galaxy too. I cannot imagine the consequences for the Force.” Rey was silent for a moment. Outside the storm was beating against the house, the rain a loud tattoo against the window.s 

“Maybe that’s how we bring balance to the Force.” He said nothing for a moment, absorbing Rey’s words, steadily mixing the vegetables into the broth. 

“I think we’ve already brought some,” he offered quietly. She perked up at that, pursing her lips as she thought about it. He adored the way she thought, her chin resting in her hand. Her long lean legs were crossed and she was bouncing one foot in the air as she followed her train of thought. She needed a shower, her hair falling in messy waves around her face, dirt streaking her arms and ankles. 

“That’s a thought,” she said finally, keeping her conclusions to herself. He didn’t want to pry; he imagined sooner or later she would tell him. 

Finally, after dinner and chatting with Roth, he crawled into the shower. He gave a loud sigh of pleasure as hot water drummed against his shoulders. He leaned his head and closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax for a few moments. The quick battle after the trip through the worlds had drained him more than he realized. He had a lot to think over, he mused as he pumped soap into his hand and began to lather his body.

“Is there room for one more?” Rey’s soft voice jolted him out of his thoughts and he watched her slim body slide in next to him. He nodded mutely, not trusting his voice. He wasn’t sure if the lake world was a dream, wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be real. 

Because if it were, he would need to tell her about what happened with Rin. 

She was smiling up at him, running her hands through her hair, spreading the wet waves around her face. 

“Let me help you with that,” he offered, his voice low. She beamed at him and turned her back to him. His fingers trembled and he hesitated. 

“Well? Are you gonna stare or what? You’ve got plenty of time to look at me later,” Rey cheekily asked, craning her neck to look back at him. She was grinning and Kylo shook his head, pushing his dark thoughts to the back. He stuck his tongue out at her and began to lather her hair, massaging her scalp. Her low groan let him know she enjoyed it.

“I can’t help but stare if the most beautiful woman in the galaxy steps into the shower with me,” he murmured into her ear before planting a soft kiss on her shoulder. She curved her body into his, and began to slide her slick body against his. He hissed against her, letting his hands smooth soap down her belly, above and around her breasts. Rey arched and let out a small cry as he dipped his hands between her thighs and began to slowly caress her. 

“Not too loudly,” he murmured urgently. “Mom is just outside the door.” She laughed softly and continued to grind her ass against his hard cock and he bent down to feast on her neck, tenderly biting his way down to her shoulder, one hand continuing to rub against the hard nub at the apex of her thighs, one hand rolling a nipple. She came with a hushed cry, her body shuddering against him, and he felt her go limp. 

Laughing, he turned her around and kissed her, slipping his tongue between her lips. She responded hungrily and they wound themselves around each other, feasting one another, taking the time to learn the curve of their bodies, the dips and planes, the touches that took their breaths away. Rey was a fascinating women, Kylo told her, and felt the pleasure run through her. 

“I might love you.”

“I might love you too.” He moved his way down her body, kneeling in front of her as kissed her thighs, licked the back of her knees, digging his nails into the soft curve of her ass. She was panting, her fingers buried into his hair, as he parted her legs and tasted her. She cried out hoarsely and he slipped one leg over his shoulder. She squirmed above him and he ordered her to still.

“You don’t order me around in bed,” she gasped.

“Good thing we aren’t in bed,” he replied before sealing his mouth over her, his tongue deftly licking her folds. She was fighting him, trying to push him away in embarrassment, her hips rocking against his mouth. He had to hold back a smile as he slid his fingers inside of her, heard her stifle a cry against her hand, warmed at the sound of her whispering his name over and over again until she moaned wordlessly and he felt her go over the edge. Pleasure was hot and heady inside of him as he stood and took her face in his hands. 

“I love you, Rey,” he stated before she grabbed him down and kissed him fiercely. She kissed as she fought--giving her all, enthusiastically, dedicated to winning. Her hands slide up and down his back, her body pressed against his. They were mentally buried in one another, Rey shyly running her hand up and down his cock, causing him to groan loudly when a bang on the door pulled them out of their reverie. Color rushed into her cheeks and he felt his ears burning. 

“Hey! I wanna take a hot shower too!” Roth called. “You’ve got a bedroom downstairs for the both of you.” Kylo choked back a cough in embarrassment and Rey untangled herself, hopping out of the shower without looking at him. He could see the merriment in her eyes though as she wrapped a towel around herself. 

On the other side of the door, Roth strolled away, a pleased smile on his face. Leia rolled her eyes and slapped some credits on the table next to her wine glass. 

“Ok you won that bet.” 

“Never bet against the house,” Roth replied pleasantly as he toasted her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I went there. :)
> 
> You can find me at Tumbler at HausCrashBurn. I post nature pics and pro Imperial posts.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are set in motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your love! 
> 
> Remember, visions are in the present tense.

The sixth time he sees her, he is pulling a veil over her head.

“The most brilliant scientist in all of Ajora is getting married. Who would have thought?,” his voice is light, teasing and she winks at him in the mirror. Her slim body models a column of pure white, nipped in at the waist before falling as a puddle of liquid silk at her feet. Her face has been buffed and bronzed, her eyes highlighted, her lashes lengthened, dye turning her lips a deep blush color. He arranges the veil around her shoulders, adjusting the flower crown on her head before turning her around and tenderly kissing her forehead.

“If he treats you poorly, I’ll kill him,” his minty breath is warm on her face and she closes her eyes, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“You can barely harm a fly.”

“There’s a first time for everything.” His gaze is soft on her. “You’re stalling.”

“I’m afraid.”

“What for?  I thought you loved this man.”

“Baley is wonderful, Kal, and you know it. But, I dunno,” Riana bit her lip. “I never thought I’d get married, I never thought behind becoming a scientist.” He chuckles at that, memories of her university days flooding him. Clad in old sweats, styluses sticking out of messy buns, Riana caught the attention of every male in the engineering corps. Truth be told, Kal was always a tad jealous of her ability to tunnel her way through a problem but she would often remind him that no one had a head like him for equations.

She had met Baley at the top space engineering firm on the planet, determined to be the one to solve the light speed barrier. Kal struggled alongside her, her roommate and work partner, watched her and Baley grow closer, until one day she stumbled home late, a dreamy smile on her face, a bruise blooming on her neck. Kal had known in one look what it meant and ribbed her about it incessantly as he made her breakfast.

He was the first she told when Bal proposed and he was the one she went to in choosing her wedding dress. Bal had bailed on the food choices and Kal had tagged after Riana as she tasted dozens of cakes, chickens, vegetables for her dinner. He had told her open bar and she had agreed. They had settled on the colors of silver grey and a pale orange poetically named waves of wheat. He had held her final party, escorting her from bar to bar and holding her head heroically as she splattered the ground with the contents of an overly enthusiastic night.

And now here he was, his arm is tucked through hers and he is beside her heading down the aisle. Baley is awaiting her, his dark hair tousled, clad in a stylish black suit with notched lapels, and Kal can hear Rianna humming under her breath. She hummed when she was stressed and he squeezes her hand gently before taking Bal’s and joining them together.

“Take care of her,” he whispers, his eyes dark. Bal nodded, never looking at him as he pulls Riana next to him. Kal takes his seat, watches the whole ceremony, Riana aglow within and feels his heart tug as if he were missing something, as if a piece of his life has been sealed away. With a frown he pushes it down. This is his best friend’s wedding.

He dances with her under the canopy of twinkling white lights, her bronze waves tumbling down her back, her lips perpetually curved into a smile. She laughs at his jokes, her hand squeezing his. Kal surprises himself by not drinking as much as he thought he would, spending the evening with Paxon and Ferris, work chums, joined occasionally by the frowning Brenden Hux. He never understood why that guy hung around the fringes, his nose wrinkled as if perpetually offended.

As Baley and Riana take a slow twirl around the floor, Kal leans against the bar, a glass of warm amber liquid in his hand. He tracks their movements, her head resting against Bal’s narrow shoulders, her eyes closed, bliss on every feature. Bal looks more frightened, Kal notes, his hand tightening on the glass. The thought he had sought to suppress for years floats it way to the top of his mind: This could have been his, if only he had been brave enough to claim it.

 

* * *

 

Kylo woke up with a jolt, his hands gripping the sheets tightly. The last taste of the dream clung to him and he wiped the sweat off his brow as he slid his body away from Rey, curled next to him. She had dragged almost all of the blankets around her and he carefully pushed a curl of her hair off her face. She looked so similar to Riana, he thought, but Riana had none of Rey’s ferocity, no scars gracing her arms, her torso, her thighs. He remembered Kal’s final words and thought the same--this could be mine, if only I were brave enough to claim it.

But he did not know what it meant--the claiming, the bravery. Where she fit. He shook his head, his lips twisting wryly as he knew there would be no claiming without her consent. Unsettled, his mind whirring, he laid down next to her, draping an arm over her and let himself ponder what it meant before her peacefulness buzzed down the bond to him and dragged him down into her dreams of a well consumed feast.

 

 

Upstairs, Leia, and Luke sat around the dining room table. Roth placed a pot of caf in front of them all and pushed the curtains aside to let in the weak dawn light.

“Now what?” Leia asked dryly, her voice hoarse as she dragged the pot toward herself and poured a cup. Luke followed suit, doctoring it to the sweet milky flavor he preferred. Roth shook his head at the two, his lekku brushing against his back, and he stood, his arms folded across his chest.

“This was a trap,” Roth muttered. “I will never have peace now.”  
“No and for that, I’m sorry,” Luke replied.

“The First Order is too much like the Empire to give anyone peace,” Leia shot. Roth cocked a brow at her and said nothing. Leia eyed him over her mug as she took a deep, grateful swallow. She had spent much of the evening with him, trying to figure out who this man was that Ben had formed such an attachment. She and Roth had ended up snapping at one another with Roth almost accusing her of abandoning him to pursue her own interests. She was aware Luke of their verbal sparring and was trying to skirt the topic. Other than his almost unintelligible defense of Ben, she liked the man. He was cool under pressure and a crack shot with the blaster.

“The military operation is more your area, Leia. We should reach out to Poe and Ransolm, see what they know.”

“Actually, we should think about what the First Order knows and what they think we know. I’m assuming you have spies?” Roth interrupted Luke’s thoughts with a sharp tone. Leia raised her brow at him and nodded. “And I’m assuming they have spies in your forces?”

“Probably,” Leia said reluctantly. “We’ve weeded out most of them but some remain.”  
“If the First Order is like the Empire, then the military believes they are saviors. That they are bringing peace to the galaxy, justice. We use that to lure them to some place. Some planet that sends a distress call--perhaps requesting aid from the First Order that the New Republic refuses to provide. That’ll stoke their ego.” Roth ran a hand over his jaw, his eyes glazed as he followed the thought.

“And where will we hide our fleet?” Leia asked, her heart warming. She was beginning to see what pulled Ben to him.

“Cloaking device.” Luke laughed at that and Leia frowned. Was Roth joking? The Togruta smiled toothily at her. “I created it for the Empire. Didn’t work then and when they tried to kill me for that fool Krennic, they never solved the problems I left in the equations.” Leia half rose out of her chair and she planted her arms on the table, barely able to hope.

“But you did.”

“But I did.” The twinkle in his violet eyes lifted her heart, shot her to her feet and she strode around the table.

“It’s not a bad plan,” Luke offered. “I can see some issues with it, some details that need ironing out.” He gazed at Roth warily. “Are you sure you were just a scientist?” Roth stood straight and he almost glared at the Jedi.

“I worked under the most brilliant tactician that the galaxy ever had. I saw things that I still cannot believe. And Shili had some of the best science academies in the galaxy.”

“And what happened to this tactician?” Leia asked casually. Roth shrugged almost dismissively.

“How did the Empire generally take care of its problems?” Luke’s hand shot out at the bitterness in Roth’s voice to grab Roth’s arm and squeeze it gently.  

“You miss your family,” he stated his voice cool.

“Terribly. Unlike you, I never got the opportunity to throw them away.”

“I did not throw Ben away!” Leia cried. She did not see Kylo hovering in the doorway, almost reluctant to walk in, crouching low. Roth did, however.

“You left him alone or with droids while you were in meetings. You sent him off with an uncle who barely saw him because his powers frightened you and your husband---”

“He’s almost as powerful as Darth Vader,” Luke replied for Leia, warning her with a quick glance. “That power can be overwhelming.”

“You’re wrong,” Roth snapped. “He is more powerful, more vital to this universe than Darth Vader. And I worry that he is just a tool to you. A tool to redeem the Skywalker name.”

“Well he never wanted to be prince of Alderaan,” Leia said heavily and she sat down, burying her head in her hands. “I did love him.”

“Then be his mother now. All I can offer him is a fatherly figure that he lacked. But he still has you,” Roth’s voice grew thick. “I never got to see my children grow up. You did. And you still have a chance with him now. He is not Snoke’s creature, not entirely, and the more time he spends with you, the more he grows into his true self.”

“It can wait, can’t it?” Leia’s mind raced with plans, her hand already pulling out a pocket communicator to begin an encoded message for base.

“No!” Roth cried, his face twisting in pain. “You don’t know that! You don’t know what the Force plans for him!” Kylo jerked back at that, grabbing onto the door frame. Luke turned his head at the sound and his brow raised a fraction at Kylo. Kylo returned his gaze evenly and Luke’s lips twitched slightly.

“The future is always in motion,” Luke declared. “None of us can know what the future can hold.”

“Patterns can tell us a lot,” Roth said through clenched teeth.

“We have a lot to do if we are going to set these plans in motion," Luke said mildly. "We'll figure it out." 

 

 

Downstairs, Rey stretched out in the bed, luxuriating in a long night in bed, memories blooming under her skin, a slight blush across her cheeks. Kylo had feasted on her mouth, her breasts, between her legs again, much to her growing delight. She had pulled him to her and encouraged him with her lips, her pleas, to take her and had moaned as he slid slowly inside. She had writhed beneath him as he pulled out again to the very edge before thrusting again, pulling out until she cried out and thrusting harder all while whispering how much he loved her, how he would move galaxies for her, cradling her to him. 

She opened her eyes as she felt the bed dip beside her. Kylo’s hair was a mess, his eyes wild and she immediately sat up.

“Something’s wrong,” she stated. His unease was a slight murmur along the line.

“No, not quite. Could be everything’s right,” was his mumbled reply. Rey cupped his face and turned him to face her.

“Ben. Ben. Ben,” her gentle voice focused his eyes at last and he looked at her like a man who had not eaten for months. She knew that look, recognized it from Jakku, and felt her stomach twist. “What happened?”

“Planning an attack. And while they are taking on the First Order, I’ll take on Snoke.”

“With me.” Kylo shook his head and she sat up, pressing her face next to his. His stale breath warmed her face and she reveled in it. She wondered what he would be like in the morning. She had actually imagined him to be much grouchier. “Never again, Ben. We are linked together.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Have a little faith in me,” Rey said, her lips whispering against his cheek, his stubble scratching her soft skin. He steadied her with his hands at her hips and began to knead her flesh. The heat rose between them.

“I’ve always had faith in you, Rey,” he said. Rey chuckled.

“Liar,” and caught him rolling his eyes.

“Ok, not always. But now and forever.” He caught her chin with his hand. “I don’t want you to get hurt. The galaxy needs you.”

Her gaze was steady, her face calm. “It needs you too, Ben.” They sat in silence, the bond saying more for them than words at that moment. Kylo idly thought words were becoming superfluous in some ways. He could slip through her mind and pick up what she wanted to say far easier and faster than she could spit it out. She smiled faintly as if she heard him.

“Yes, but then you wouldn’t get to hear my darling voice,” she said smartly as she pushed herself out of the bed. “I’m getting caf. Coming?”

“Expect a war council instead of breakfast,” he grumbled as he padded after her.

“Oh I’m sure we can’t plot a war on an empty belly, can we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, Rey, no you can not.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Instead of scientific mumbo jumbo, today we get the mystic mumbo jumbo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everything! You all are super ult!!

Kylo sat cross legged on the rug beside his bed. Rey had gone to the shuttle to repair what she had done to make it ready for space. “Some of us think ahead and disable rather than destroy,” she had teased him before heading out the door. Roth and Leia had squirreled away in a corner, plotting things out, promising to let Rey test out to the cloaking device as soon as the ship was prepped. 

But Kylo, Kylo the warrior, sat loose limbed, his wrists resting lightly on his knees, his eyes closed, his mind merging with the Force. He reveled in the starlight dancing on his skin, breathed in the birth of a star, exhaled the explosive of death of one, the rainbow hued nebula fanning out across the depths of space, followed the minds of the universes as they pondered dinner plans, child care, hummed along with lovers discovering each other’s skins, seeing a glow in each and every being of the galaxy--from stars to insects, from a tree leaf to the breathing gems in the Hapes Empress crowns, the Living Force pulsing in each and everything, connected into a web, a darker one, a Cosmic Force, the background against which the galaxy played. 

As he moved deeper into his mediation, his vision began to clear. Understanding began to dawn in his mind. After the purging of the Jedi, the Cosmic Force had begun to do its work--the balance prophesied had come to pass but horribly, violently--incorrectly. It moved on the remaining Jedi, moved Snoke from his place as the Emperor’s pawn to a king of his own.  He perceived how the bond between him and Rey, the daughter of the Cosmic Force, had opened up a dialogue between the polar sides of the Force. Like magnets, compelling, attracting, until their polarities aligned and became equal.  

The balance of the Force gleamed, purple woven through gold, threads connecting all. The purple overshadowing, slowly, achingly slow, shimmering with the light of the Living Force. 

The balancing work almost complete. The Force had wormed its way through all the universes, telling me a tale of love, of couples united, ripped apart--forcing his heart, that diseased muscle, to open up to her. Healing him. The listing in the Force had begun to shift, turn toward equality. The more they fed into one another, the more balance was achieved. If the Force had not shown him how love could look, he realized, he would have continued to shut her out, to hunt her down like prey. 

He lost himself in the essence of the Force, witnessing possible futures, the rise and fall of the Resistance, his lips pressed against Rey’s hair, her keening while on her knees, tears streaking her face, his bellow of anguish over her limp form. And in the corner, he saw it. The dark hole that drew in the Force, ate it all, absorbed so only the darkness thrived, expanding outward, its appetite fierce. It was Snoke; it wasn’t Snoke, he realized, but a mouth. 

Kylo’s eyes flew open, the weight of his vision settling into him, his body hunching over with age. He knew what to do. As he looked up, he saw Luke staring gravely at him. 

“How long have you known?” Kylo asked, his voice hoarse.

“Not known, suspected,” Luke replied as he lowered himself beside his nephew. 

“How long?”

“Since she came to the island.”  Kylo said nothing at that, plucking at a thread on the rug, biting his lip. Luke smiled gently. “I see you still think the same.”

“I’m not the same person,” Kylo bit out, but without venom. Luke reached across and pushed a lock of hair out of Kylo’s eyes.

“I know, Ben. I know what happened at the Academy wasn’t exactly your fault.”

“But I did it. I could have resisted killing them, could have stopped at one or two in defense,” Kylo’s voice cracked. Luke nodded and laid a heavy hand on the younger man’s shoulder. 

“You’ve recognized that and you’ve made strides in turning away from the dark side. There is potential in you yet,” Luke said softly. “Unlike, say, Ferino. “

“Is he in the brig?” 

“No, he self-terminated.” At that, Kylo’s eyes darkened and he started to rise, a growl climbing out of his throat before he stopped himself. Luke’s calm eyes watched him steadily and Kyo saw for the first time the age around his face, the lines on his cheeks, the beard no longer flecked with grey but a full iron colored. He sank back down with a shrug. 

“Not surprising. We each carry a capsule for self determination in a false tooth in the back,” Kylo replied. Luke’s brows shot up and obligingly, Kylo opened his mouth so Luke could see a missing molar in the back. “Roth removed mine shortly before you arrived. He said suicide wasn’t a viable solution. I told him sometimes it’s a soldiers only recourse.”

“What did he say?”

“Learn to fight smarter, not harder,” Kylo chuckled. After a moment, Luke did too.

“I forgive you, Ben. Your mother does, too, you know, but she doesn’t know how to be your mom anymore.”

“I know. And I don’t know how to be her son.” The words out of his mouth struck them both as true, surprising the two men. Kylo hadn’t realized the depth of his confusion and frowned thoughtfully. 

“Use the Force, Kylo. You know it has the answers you seek,” was Luke’s only response before ruffling Kylo’s head as he used to do when the boy was younger. Kylo ducked away, a shy grin lighting his features, bringing the boy out. “Why don’t you check on Rey?”

 

Kylo stomped across the hard surface, his boots crunching the pebbles beneath, his head bowed in thought. Rey watched him from the cockpit, wiping a sweat drenched forelock from her face. He looked somber, she thought, still clad in black, as if he were going to his own funeral. Breath catching at the thought, Rey slid out of the seat to greet him as he came up the gangplank.

“Hey,” she whispered, a timid smile on her face. He looked up at her, stopped, his heart skipping a beat. Cliched, he mused, but true. He still couldn’t believe she wanted him as much as he did her and without hesitation, he bent down and claimed her lips with his. She melted into him, twining her arms around his neck, her fingers playing with his curls as his lips skimmed along her cheeks to her jawline and up again to seize her mouth. 

In a frenzy, Rey slapped the lock on the ramp, the grinding of the gears louder than the panting. Kylo shoved up against a bulkhead, pushing her up and she wrapped her legs around him, her mouth open and hot, his tongue darting into hers to taste her, groaning with satisfaction. 

“Mine,” he growled and she tugged his face from hers, a firm grip in his hair. 

“No, mine,” she snarled back and in response he thrusted against her. She moaned in delight, pulling him to her. He staggered on his feet, not sure of her weight as she bore down on him, and he let himself fall back, relying on the Force to cushion his impact. She giggled as her knees slapped the floor. 

“On top, my favorite,” she purred as she nibbled his ear, his collarbone, pulling his wrists together and holding him above his head. He writhed beneath her, his hips bucking, his fingers aching for her breasts. He watched with wide eyes as she let go, continuing to bind his hands up the Force, her nimble fingers dipping below his waist band, her tongue swirling around his nipple. His blood was hot and heavy and he could feel her wetness through the Force. He wanted to sink his teeth in her and she whimpered at the thoughts he was sending her. 

She pulled him from his pants, her fingers skimming his thick cock before she took him all at once in her mouth. Kylo cried out, his back arching off the floor as she pulled up with a wet pop. 

“Son of a mother--”he cursed as her tongue flicked his tip, slid down to his base, her breath sending his heart careening. She was achingly slow, taking him in fully, nibbling his head, swirling his tip before continuing to draw him in. He was cursing unintelligibly now, her attention elsewhere and his hand rocketed toward her head, gripping her tightly, his hips pistoning as he fucked her mouth. She was moaning now, her fingers in her pants and he shouted her name, yanking her up to him and rolling her on her back, all the while repeating her name as if in trance. 

She clumsily ripped off her pants, his eagerness in her way, before he sank into her, a shuddering cry of relief slipping out of her mouth. He begged her to look at him, into his eyes as he moved in her, the sudden need for speed easing out of him, and she planted her feet, rocked with him, holding him tight to her. She reached for him, kissing him, fluttery little ones along his mouth as he murmured her name before he went over the edge, her following. 

  
Rey did not hear the warning beep of her personal datapad, the small reminder that a world existed outside of each other’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it seems slow, but hey, it's gonna get faster now. This was probably the last of the sex chapters, if you are here just for the sexy times. Just setting up the board for war, as they say. Sun Tzu writes that a man cannot win a war without knowing the way.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are finalized, the pawns are moved into place, and we say goodbye to Roth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much!

Rey slid down Kylo, her head resting on his chest, her back slicked with sweat. She took a moment to catch her breath before a laugh escaped her.

“What?” Kylo shot back, fear thick in his voice. Her laugh grew louder as she sat up, straddling his waist. 

“No, no, not at you. I’m just, you know, sort of amazed that we can’t keep our hands off each other.” Rey continued to laugh as she got up and padded to the ‘fresher. She felt Kylo watching her and turned back to see an appreciative smirk on his face. Sashaying her hips, she entered the small space and splashed cold water on her face. 

“I’ve never felt anything like this before,” Kylo confessed, his eyes on the ground. 

“Really?” She was dumbstruck. “Even before you turned?”

“I was studying to be a Jedi, Rey. There wasn’t much time to for girls.” She saw the tips of his ears turn red and hid a smile. “What about you?”

“Desert child, scavenger remember? Love is too high a price,” she responded matter of factly and tried to take in the pity on his face reasonably, tried not to take it personally. He stood up and she walked over to her bag, noticing the beeping datapad. She picked it up and scrolled through it, her eyes widening.

“What is it?” he asked as he pulled his pants over his hips, his chest still gleaming with sweat. Rey shook her head and resumed her task of punching buttons.

“We’ll be ready to fly soon,” her voice icy. She struggled to keep her hands from shaking and she took a moment to focus on her breathing. She felt Kylo come up behind her, rest his hands on her shoulders.

“I love you, Rey. If I could, I would whisk us away from this.”

“Running isn’t the answer.” It came out sharper than she intended. 

“Once it’s over, we’ll go someplace, just you and I,” he promised. She tilted her head, took in his earnest expression. 

“You really do love me,” she said in wonderment. He blushed and she grinned. “I know, I’m impossible to resist.”

“I’m sure that’s what the Resistance boys trying to get in your pants told you,” he mumbled and she laughed again.He turned away, activating the ramp. She was pleased to see the sorrow in his face gone, his steps lighter. 

“I love you too, Ben. And don’t worry. You’re on the path back to the Light.” He stopped, turning his face toward her. He was beautiful, she marveled, his long locks tousled, a gentle glow surrounding him. She could feel his pleasure humming along the bond and it warmed her heart. She had never expected intimacy. She knew about sex, but with him, there was closeness forged through the bond that heightened every touch, every word. Her body thrummed with joy and she could feel her belly clench with desire again. Experiencing it along the bond, Kylo laughed, a simple sound, and she felt her face split into a grin.

“Early days, yet. We’ll fight again soon,” he promised before striding out. 

 

Roth did not like flying. In fact, he refused. 

“How do you get food?” Leia asked in amazement. 

“Shipping. And grow quite a bit of it,” his arms were folded across his chest. Kylo felt his heart ache and found himself rubbing his chest. He had expected Roth to be along for the whole thing but the smaller man had planted his feet firmly in the doorway, a stern look on his face. 

“You’re not coming,” Kylo's voice was quiet. Roth looked at him, his face drawn. 

“I can’t. Not even for you, my boy.” He strode over to Kylo, placed a comforting arm on his shoulder. “Walk with me.” They turned, began walking along the fence. Kylo struggled to hold back the disappointment from showing on his face. Rage, his fuel, his comfort in times like this, did not come to him and he wondered if he should mourn that. 

“I care for you, Ben. You don’t have to do this, you know,” Roth began, his voice low. “I know how this will end.” 

“It’s the only option.”

“You could stay here, continue to work with me. We’ve done so much, advanced the field so far in quite a few days.”

“I’m a fighter, Roth. This is what I’ve been training for my whole life.”  Roth turned to face him and Kylo could see tears gleaming in his eyes. He bit his lip, turned away. 

“I don’t believe this is your destiny.” 

“I know it is. I’ve seen it in the Force.” 

“The future can be changed!” There is desperation in Roth’s voice now and he clutched Kylo’s hand. “You don’t need to do this!”

“I do. For her.” Kylo smiled faintly, looked over his shoulder at Rey and Luke carrying the cloaking device into the shuttle. Roth followed his gaze and swallowed bitterly.

“This is your first love, Ben. It always feels more intense.” Kylo laughed sarcastically and gave Roth a knowing look. 

“Please don’t diminish it,” he said softly and Roth nodded curtly. He wrapped Kylo in a hug, squeezing him tightly and Kylo surprised himself by responding in kind. 

“I care for you too, Roth. I’ll be back,” Kylo promised. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, my son,” Roth promised, the tears unleashed and sliding down cheeks. Kylo offered him a crooked smile and jogged across the field to help Rey. Leia had observed the exchange and strolled over to Roth, laying her arm across his shoulder, bending her head to chat with him. 

 

It amazed Kylo how much he would miss Roth, their time together, the security the older man offered. Kylo wondered if that’s what a real father was like, what he was really abandoning to help bring about Snoke’s device. The flight back to the Resistance was mostly quiet, with Kylo participating in meditation activities with Rey and Luke, offering to spar with her to Luke’s surprise. He had a quiet morning with his mother in the galley over caf, her silence saying much, her hand resting on his. He knew it was a long road with her, perhaps irreparable, but knew she took comfort in his presence. He did too and sought her out several times just to sit with her. 

Rey had slaved his shuttle’s drive to the Falcon and landed both ships on a planet a few parsecs from the Resistance. 

“I’m going back with Leia to get everything set up. Don’t do anything without me,”Luke warned as Rey and Kylo disembarked. 

“I’ve downloaded the cloaking device instructions into your and Leia’s datapads. It’s fairly easy to install,” Rey said.  “The schematics are in there too in case you want to rig a drive to do it for a few other ships.”

“Fine,” Leia bit out. “I’ve got Ransolm and Threepio spreading the rumor that Arduna wants aid. Outer Rim, smaller planet. We’ll know soon if they bite.”

“We’re off to Edonaaris. Snoke is heading there,” Kylo offered.

“Edonaaris,” Leia said, surprised. 

“Wait for me,” Luke snapped.

“We’ll see,” Kylo replied, his eyes dark. Rey ran to embrace Luke and Kylo found his mother marching up to him, grabbing his arm, and pulling him aside. 

“Are you going to take on Snoke alone, Ben? You know how that will turn out.”

“I can’t go to the Resistance, mom, and I can’t wait any longer. The more we wait, the more powerful he grows.”

“Can you and Rey take him?” He wanted to be offended, wanted to see her as doubting him, but Roth’s kindness had taught him to see it as concern. To hear the edge of fear in her voice. He responded by pulling her into a hug, letting his chin rest on her forehead.

“You’re so tall.” Her voice was muffled and he chuckled. She stepped away and reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. “And handsome.” He blushed and ducked his head. She stood up on her toes and he bent down so she could lay a kiss on his cheek. 

“Come home to me, Ben.” He nodded, not trusting his voice, the tears choking him in that moment. They stood, holding each other, and she pursed her lips, opening to say something when Rey darted over and hugged Leia tightly. Kylo took that as his cue to head toward his shuttle. He turned to face Luke, haggard and bent over, who offered only a small salute and a warning in his mind not to do anything stupid. 

It’s not stupid if it’s done to protect your loved ones, Kylo vowed as he entered his ship and settled into the pilot chair.

“Oy, what are you doing?” Rey demanded as she collapsed.

“I fly, you navigate,” he said, jerking his thumb toward the navicomputer.

“I hardly think so,” she replied, her fingers flying over the console. Kylo snorted and reached for the shift control. He balked when the controls did not respond to his command and whipped his head around to glare at Rey. 

“Superior mechanic and pilot here,” she grinned as the shuttle lifted smoothly up and into the atmosphere. “You better get the coordinates in there before I fly us into a moon.”

“I thought you said superior pilot,” he sulked but did as she commanded. Rey frowned and Kylo winked at her, assuring her he wasn't truly upset. She blushed, reached across the console and linked her hand with his. 

“Two whole days to Edonaaris. Whatever shall we do?” he hummed and felt her hand tighten, felt a trill of alarm in her mind. He glanced sharply at her. “Rey?”

“Nothing,” she stammered, flashing him a quick smile. “Nerves.”

“Nerves?”

“I would like to practice. I would like to know your plan,” she had turned away from her, her fingers tapping on the console a few times. Kylo frowned then shrugged, lost in his thoughts as they spent a few minutes punching information into the ship’s navicomputer. After a moment, the stars streaked and blurred and they were in the safety of hyperspace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm, I wonder. Who is feeling the dread?!?


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Highway into the danger zone! Thank you for all your kudos and comments. Almost done!   
> I feel the need, the need for speed.

Rey shuddered as they entered the sticky atmosphere for Edonaaris. 

“Swamp planet,” Kylo said simply to her unasked question. She rubbed her arms and watched as he set the shuttle down in front of an old gray building. 

“Not bad for an amateur, eh?” he said, his tone forced. She gave him a weak smile, could feel his heart hammering. 

“Are you ready?” she whispered.

“No, are you?” 

“No.” She reached across and they clasped hands, sitting in the dark shuttle, staring at the building as a door swung open. Rey drew in a breath as two dozen neat lines, soldiers all clad in black, marched out and surrounded the shuttle. 

“Knights of Ren,” Kylo murmured. Rey forced herself to find calm, felt the sweat on her palms and pulled back to rub her hands on her pants. It was fear, she knew, but she recognized it from Jakku--the moment before the certainty of a fight where the flight impetus tried to propel her feet forward, dried her mouth out, even as her hand moved toward her staff. Or in this case, her lightsaber. 

Rey rose, graceful, her mouth in a firm line. 

“Let’s go greet them,” she said coolly. Kylo smirked softly as he followed her out. 

“Remember what I said. Most of them have little Force ability at all--it mostly helps them parry blows.” Rey turned and smiled, a predatory gleam to her eyes. 

“I’ll guess I’ll have to do the unexpected.” She stood before the ramp, pulling in calming breaths, her limbs loose, her lightsaber at her belt, a blaster on her hip. Kylo stretched for a moment, moving his body side to side. 

“Can’t fight without warming up,” he offered.  He grabbed her and pulled her to him for a rough kiss. “Love you, Rey.” She could only swear watching him tear down the ramp, his blade lit, a war cry swallowed by the thick air, her hand clutching her chest. She followed a moment later, her blade lighting with a snap-hiss as she dove into the smoke. 

  
  


At Arduna, a few dozen light years away, Leia checked the ship’s position for one last time while on the comm. 

“I’ll see you soon, sis,” Luke promised. 

“May the Force be with you,” Leia responded and told command to clear Luke for hyperspace. She looked out the cockpit knowing she could not spy Luke’s X wing in the massive fleet she had assembled. After moment she nodded at Connix, her faithful aide. 

“Black team ready!” Poe’s powerful voice rung through the bridge and Leia saw smiles break out. She hid one herself.

“Green team ready,” came Finn’s quiet voice. He was on Arduna, leading the ground forces for the expected invasion. 

Ransolm chimed in: “Grey team ready.” 

“And we droids are ready, General,” Threepio said finally in his stuffy voice. Leia gave a curt nod. 

“First Order Star Destroyer sighted coming out of hyperspace at the edge of the system,” called a lieutenant. 

“Engage cloaking devices and make sure the moon is between us. We’re go,” Leia ordered and watched the still ship burst into a flurry of activity, soldiers moving into stations. She heard the rest of the Xwing and A wing teams calling in but her attention was on the planet below. She found serenity in the wait, her hands clenched tightly by her side. She heard a sharp intake of breath beside her as the Star Destroyer came into view. It was the Finalizer and she wished she could reach out with the Force to confirm General Hux’s presence. 

Troop carriers moved silently out of the bay and into the planet below. 

“Move us into position,” she ordered and saw the other ships swing around to join her. Behind Arduna’s other moon was Ransolm and Ackbar’s ships, a classic pincher maneuver. Too classic, she had argued, but had lost to the wisdom of the other generals. 

“Shields up,” Leia snapped out and heard the flurry behind her. 

“Shields up, 100 percent,” called Connix.  Leia pursed her lips.

“May the Force be with us all,” she said. “Drop the cloaking device and begin firing on the enemy.” 

 

“Yee haw!” called Poe as he and the other X wing pilots dove out from underneath the cloaking device range and swung around to begin firing on the Finalizer.  “Take out those ion cannons! They can do major damage!” 

“Bogeys coming in two o clock!” shouted Jessika.

“Get on them Red Five! I’m taking out the tractor beam!” Poe ordered as he drove his way through the green beams of enemy fire, shooting down a TIE in his way, dipping beneath the Finalizer and shooting a proton into the bay before skimming along the belly of the ship. His cockpit lit up with the explosion behind him.

“Tractor beam down!”

“Ion cannons on the port side taken out!” Snap added. 

“I’m jammed, I’m jammed!” Jessika called. “Two bogeys on my tail, I can’t shake them!” 

“Coming up on your starboard, Black Five,” Poe said. “Execute the three headed tango.” Jess giggled and flipped her ship hard to her left suddenly, a TIE barely scraping her hull as it couldn’t move in time. She twisted and drew her throttle back until she was curving over him, enough that she could wave at the pilot in the TIE before Poe blasted his way through. 

“Nice maneuvering Black Five!” Poe exclaimed.

“I’ve got the ions on the starboard side!,” she shouted, diving toward them, slipping between its powerful fire, shooting as she got closer until she was rewarded with a burst of light. The howls and cheers of her teammates filled her cockpit as she banked hard and joined the fight, hordes of TIE fighters swarming from the bellies of the five other Star Destroyers. 

“We’ve got our work cut out for us! Let’s go to the other ships!” Poe called as he raced across the stars. 

  
  


Finn silently waved for his troops to crouch, hidden behind trees and tall grasses. Arduna was a small planet, most of the civilization gone from famine. He had a few snipers hidden in the empty buildings and bombs wound about, the backup detonator tucked in his belt. He eyed the carriers coming down, four of them, and was not surprised to see an AT-ACT landing beside them. 

“Tell Arcturo to get his men ready.” 

“They’re in place,” Gissa replied, pushing back her black curls. She checked her blaster one last time and Finn looked back at her.

“Don’t be nervous. It’s either this or being with the First Order forever,” he said, his voice warm. 

“Is it really that bad?” Her dark eyes were wide and Finn cursed inwardly. He needed a more inexperienced team but he had placed them out to take out the AT-ACT and up in the towers with sniper rifles. 

“Yes it is. Stay with me and we’ll watch each other’s backs,” he said with a bright smile. She returned it and he prayed that the Force was with them. He watched the Stormtroopers march out, their blasters across their chest at the ready, waiting for Phasma’s orders to head into the city. She moved to the front of the lines and pointed forward. 

“That’s our cue. Let’s head out,” Finn whispered into his comm. His troops trailed them, easily hidden in the tall grasses. As the stormtroopers fanned out, some heading into the forest, Finn’s team peeled off and took them out. Phasma’s head jerked up and she whirled around, her blaster firing. Finn crouched and aimed his blaster, taking out two of the storm troopers. He heard Gissa’s wheezing next to him as she shook while she aimed. 

“Keep both eyes open!” Finn shouted as he bounced up to race across the field, throwing off shots that glanced off armor before diving and taking down a trooper at the waist.

“FN 2187!” Phasma called in her cool voice as she strode across the field to him. Finn ignored her, grappling with the trooper who jammed his fist into Finn’s torso.

“You betrayed us,” the trooper hissed beneath his helmet.

“No! She betrayed you!” Finn grunted, jabbing the other fighter’s throat, kicking at him when he stumbled back. He got to one knee, aimed a warning shot at Phasma who only moved more steadily toward him. The trooper stood, pointed his gun at Finn and was tossed backward by Gissa’s powerful laser rifle.

“Nice shot kid!” Finn shouted as he stood, racing toward the woods, Phasma hot on his heels. 

“Blow the outside north perimeter north!” he called into his comm and stumbled as the ground shook beneath him and the air filled with screams. He climbed to his feet, jumping back as speeders whipped toward him, Arc’s speeder team with cables in place to trap the AT-ACT’s feet. Finn only hoped the others were doing as well. 

  
  


Rey barely noticed that sweat was pouring down her back, the humidity sticking to her as she whirled around, her blade a graceful arc through the air as she parried her way through the fighters. They came at her, almost endlessly she thought, sparks raining down from the repeated blows. Her arms were beginning to ache and she caught Kylo twirling around, following a downward slice with an elbow to a face. Bodies lay on the ground next to limbs and she could feel someone’s disgusting glee eating away at her peace. She threw open the bond and the Force flowed between her and Kylo, almost moving her arms for her. The ache in her arms faded and she slid down to a crouched position, moving her blade up before her opponent could even decide to swing down on her. She danced up, her lightsaber cutting through his body before meeting another blade. 

_ That’s right my girl. This is your battlefield, _ the dark voice hissed and Rey shivered. She recognized it from the night on Starkiller base. 

“Snoke’s trying to get into my mind!” she screamed into the melee and headbutted a soldier who tried punching her in the gut. He howled and she followed it with a swift kick to his groin, an elbow to his nose and he fell howling. Kylo walked on by, shooting him in the leg.

“Kylo!” Rey seethed.

“He’s down but not out. Now he’s out,” he replied simply, pulling her to him. The smell of burnt skin and the agonized cries of the same of the soldiers slammed into her suddenly and Rey lurched off to the side, her stomach heaving. Kylo patted her back, pulling out a small canteen of water and she gulped gratefully.

“Snoke’s inside,” he said, “and yes, he’s hoping to turn you against me.” 

“I thought he need us both to balance the Force.”

“The Force achieved its balance once I accepted who I was,” Kylo said simply. Rey cocked her head at that, closed her eyes and reached, her body humming with a thousand glancing blows and hits. She could feel the bruises blooming beneath her skin, her knee pounding from being slammed to the ground. She could also feel the Force, strong, balanced, could see purple and gold threading each other and felt herself pulsing with it. 

“It is balanced,” she murmured surprised. Kylo had his hand on her back, guiding her across the battlefield and under the canopy of the building. She could hear the rain begin to pattering against the stone, a cool breeze brushing against her throbbing cheekbones. 

“As soon as I accepted my place as with you, it began to happen,” Kylo explained. “And same to you. Like I said, we are the conduits for these aspects of the Force.”

“Was it the sex?” she teased and he chuckled.

“Who knows? Maybe. I’ve only ever heard of my grandfather being an aspect of the Force before so I don’t know if that’s it at all,” he paused, biting his lip. “Rey, there is something I need to tell you before we head in.”

“I love you too,” she said quickly. “And when this is over, yes, let’s run away, let’s just be together. At least for a little while.” He smiled wanly at her words, almost sadly.

“When I went into another universe, I slept with a version of you. Her name was Rinalda. I thought about staying there with her because I never thought you’d talk to me,” he blurted, his eyes fixed on hers. Her brow furrowed. 

“Why would you think that?”

“I’m damaged goods. I killed my dad.” He spread his hands helplessly in front of him before blowing out his breath angrily. She absorbed his words, shivered under his guilt, and felt a wave of pity of the girl in the other universe. 

“I will be mad at you, I think, but later. I can’t do this now,” her voice was curt, surprising even her. She reached up, laid a cool hand on his hot cheek. “We’ll figure it out, Ben. And thank you for telling me.”

“I don’t want any secrets between us.” Rey took a step back at that, her own secret heavy in her belly. She smiled thinly at him and gestured to the door.

“We’ve got a war to win,” she said and he nodded once, turning to key a code into the panel. The door swung open silently and she followed him into the dim hallway. As the door slid shut behind him, an X wing dropped below the canopy and landed lightly next to the shuttle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left. Thanks for hanging out.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo go to confront Snoke while the battle rages at Arduna.  
> And yep that's two chapters in one day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just remember, I love you all. Each and everyone one of you.  
> Two chapters in one day. I leave for a conference on Monday where I have to go and be an adult and talk about new tax laws and accounting standards (altho I've let my smut stash up because if it gets too boring I'm whipping out the A03 and reading. Maybe someone will read over my shoulder and I'll make a friend). 
> 
> Also, sorry not sorry.

Kylo led the way into the belly of the building, Rey behind him, cautiously turning to keep an eye on their back. She couldn’t help the horror clenching her stomach, the chill running up her spine and she fought the compulsion to to turn back, flee. But as she knew she should feel, the damp corridors adding to it, she felt a soft voice in her mind, a blurring of facts, almost maternal. She knew it was Snoke, figured he was trying to trick her, and she wondered how Kylo lived with it all of these years.  Aware of her apprehension, Kylo reached behind him and clutched her hand. 

“You just get used to it,” he muttered as he followed the twists and turns. 

“I thought there would be more knights,” she replied, her eyes darting around the corridor. 

“There will be. He just wants us to feel both overwhelmed and complacent enough by the time we reach them.” His hand tightened on hers, knuckles going white, and she winced at the bones crushing together. With an apologetic shrug, he let her go and turned down a dark hallway, lit only by flickering lights. Rey straightened, her senses aware, the presence of a dark looming form filling her mind. Without speaking, the pair separated and snapped on their lightsabers, backs toward one another as they inched down the hallway. 

Rey strangled a gasp of horror at the the beast filling the space in front of them. Slime oozed down its sluggish body, bulbous eyes on stalks, at least a dozen, and mouths of teeth. Rey gulped down her fear as the thing reared up and roared and she took in rows and rows of sharp tiny teeth, of tentacles snaking out from behind the thick body. 

Kylo jumped back and slashed out, slicing off a tentacle edging toward them. The beast gnashed its teeth and moved forward. Rey took a few steps back, feinting a couple times to lob off the suckers and froze when she heard footsteps behind her. Feeling rather than seeing, she knew at least a dozen knights were behind them.

“This is not how I wanted to die,” she snarled and turned so that she could take in both groups from the corner of her eyes. Kylo mirrored her move, smoothly transferring his blade to one hand and pulling out his blaster from another.

“We won’t die,” he vowed. “Which one do you want to take?”

“The ugly one!”

“They’re all ugly!” 

“You know what I mean!” she snapped as she sprinted toward the beast, diving between the tentacles. Reaching for the Force, wrapping it around her, she leapt up, hovering in the air as she swung at its eyes. Screaming the beast writhed and Rey pushed herself backward, yelping as one of the tentacles latched onto her. With a grunt, she cut through and fell to the ground in a heap, rolling to her feet and pulling the suckers off her arm, leaving large red welts behind. sprinted toward the beast, dancing around it, her blade a blur of light as she left deep cuts in its body but to her mounting frustration, doing nothing more but scratching at it. 

She cried out as she was grabbed by two tentacles, one twined about her legs, the other about her arm, dangling her upside down. The blob seemed to laugh as it drew her toward its mouth, the row of teeth spinning. Rey struggled, grunting, trying to worm her way into its mind, shuddering at the malicious greed that pounded through it. She gulped hard and looked over at Kylo, his back against the wall, hacking his way through the soldiers, lined up to take blows at him and succeeding. She saw that they weren’t aiming to kill but to harm and he had cuts on his shoulders, his legs, blood trickling out of his torso.  

Rey squeezed her eyes shut, tried to will her body to relax and reached for the light saber. She could feel it scraping along the floor and pushed harder, inhaling sharply as the blade smacked into her hand. Igniting it, she swept up and cut through the tentacle holding her legs. Pushing herself forward with the Force, she swung in the air for a few moments, rocking her body to gather momentum,  before slicing through the tentacle squeezing her arm and somersaulting over the beast to land on its back. She growled  as she was immediately slicked up with its slime. Grimacing she pulled out her blaster and wrapped one arm around its remaining eye stalk as it reared up, whipping its body around, her legs slipping out beneath her. She pointed the blaster at where she thought the brain was and began to fire, continuing to pull the trigger, not thinking, just focused on keeping her grip. 

With a final bellow, the beast slumped forward, green slime oozing out of it. 

“Oh, ick,” Rey spat as she tumbled down its head and into the slime. 

“Well I’m never kissing you again,” Kylo stated and she glanced up to see him and Luke grinning down at her. She did a double take, her mouth dropping open. 

“What are you doing here?!”

“Seems like your boyfriend here needed some help.” Luke jerked a thumb at Kylo and at the pile of bodies on the ground. Rey looked at them before returning to gaze at Luke, astonished.

“The stories are true.” 

“Hey now, I helped,” Kylo protested but weakly. Rey struggled to stand, her feet slithering out beneath her. Kylo offered her a hand and pulled her to relative safety before letting go and hurrying away. Both he and Luke staggered back, holding their noses. 

“Come on, I know a place to hose you down,” he said, turning to jog down a hall, keeping a hand over his face. Rey stuck her tongue out at him as she followed, her squelching feet loud in the empty hallways.  

 

 

Leia shouted at her commander for a status update as she held onto a console, the ship listing to one side. 

“Call for the abandon ship!” she shouted through gritted teeth. 

“I won’t leave you!” Connix called.

“Get your ass on an escape pod before I smack it!” Leia ordered. “I’ll join you shortly.” With one last fearful look, Connix ran down the bridge, sparks raining down around her. 

“Shields failing,” the computer calmly announced. 

“Really? I couldn’t tell,” Leia muttered. She wasn’t surprised to see the Finalizer was hailing her, not surprised to see them gloat. She flicked on the view screen, General Hux’s pasty face and livid blue eyes filling the area. 

“Ah, Princess Leia,” Hux sneered. “Going down with the ship?”

“I’m not a Princess, General,” she replied amiably. She saw that the last of the escape pods were fired, that the crew were off safely and heading toward the rendezvous spot on Arduna. The secret code Roth had given her showed that Ransolm’s ships were in position and she allowed herself a small smile.

“Surrender now and I will see that you get a fair trial,” Hux sniffed. 

“I don’t know if you are in any place to bargain, seeing as we took out your cannons and most of your shields.” 

“We’re winning this battle, both here and on ground.” 

“Are you now? You better take a look out your window, kiddo,” Leia said, a pleasant smile pasted on her face. She watched out the viewport as three large cruisers seemingly materialized behind the Finalizer and its companion ships, opening fire. A moment later, Ackbar’s cruisers moved from behind the other moon, swarms of smaller ships in front of them.

“You sacrificed yourself for them,” Hux said in amazement before cutting the transmission. Leia imagined the young man was full of panic. She knew she had less than ten minutes to flee the ship before it crashed into Arduna’s small airless moon. She transferred data from the ship’s main console to her datapad and pulled out her comm as she raced down toward the hangar where one shuttle waited for her. 

Thumbing it on, she hailed Ransolm. 

“Well?” she demanded as she slid into the pilot seat. 

“Cloaking device covered the recon ships. We are just about to give Hux the surprise of his life.” 

“I could kiss Roth,” Leia declared as she fired up the silver shuttle and shot forward out of the hangar, headed toward Arduna’s surface. Her fingers moved swiftly across the console, firing at the TIEs in her way. A moment later she was flanked by a pair of X wings and she reminded herself to send Poe a thank you. She watched on her data pad as Ransolm’s four shuttles, cloaked by Roth’s tiny individual devices, settled into the Finalizer’s bay. She smiled, imagining her band of saboteurs spilling out to take out the large ship from within. 

 

 

 

When Kylo said hosed down, he wasn’t joking. Rey spluttered as he sprayed her with cold water and unwillingly shrieked as a glob of ooze dropped into her mouth. Kylo laughed and Rey vowed a sick revenge. At last she was clean but soaking and Kylo showed her a room where she could exchange her clothes. She snarled at the black garb of the soldiers, obviously some sort of barracks, and shrugged on an oversized tunic and leggings. She walked out to hear Kylo and Luke murmuring softly, Luke pointing down the hall.  “What’s going on?”

“We’re debating whether to go into the library or take the long way round to Snoke,” Kylo replied. “I favor the Library,” Luke said. “It’s faster and there is no reason to delay taking on Snoke.”

“The Library has Master Nu. He may be old but he’s smart and fast with a blaster, a blade. It wouldn’t be wise to underestimate him,” Kylo retorted, his eyes flashing. Rey tilted her head, considering. 

“I vote with Luke. I can’t stand being here,” Rey confessed. Kylo frowned, stepping forward to wrap his arms around her, burying his face into her air. She weakly protested before allowing herself to melt against him. Luke huffed. 

“This is probably why they never allowed Jedi emotional attachments before,” Luke muttered before demanding Kylo show him the way to the Library. Bickering at one another as Kylo lead the way, Rey smiled weakly, trying to push the cooing voice out of her mind. 

  
  


 

Finn was running ragged, dodging blaster bolts as Phasma chased him deep into the forest. He ducked under a fallen tree, slid down a hill, and leapt up, racing toward a niche. A blaster bolt whizzed by his head, almost too close and he skidded to a stop, barely daring to look behind, as he altered course, turning back to haphazardly fire his weapon. 

“Pull out! Blow the city!” he shouted into his comm as he scrambled up a set of boulders. He could hear Phasma clunking behind him, a bolt sizzling as it smacked into the rock face. Finn yelped and surged over the edge, racing down the edges into a rock canyon outside  the forest. He could hear Phasma’s breathing behind him as he turned and ran smack into a dead end. He let out a wail of frustration and grabbed onto some rocks, heaving himself up. The clay crumbled beneath his fingers and he slid to the ground in a heap. 

“FN-2187,” Phasma stated. He turned, saw her chrome figure blocking the exit, her blaster aimed at him. Swallowing, he stood and faced her, his face set. 

“Phasma.”

“I see you are truly in charge of this situation,” she said. She moved steadily toward him, her blaster never wavering. He hoped no fear showed on his face, sweat trickling down his back. The sounds of battle were distant, an occasional boom filling the air. 

“Just shoot me and get it over with,” he ordered. Phasma chuckled.

“Shoot you? Why would I do that? I hear the exploits of Finn, the Resistance leader,” she seethed. “All my training being turned against me.” Finn smirked at that, cocking his ear at the sound of rocks skittering down the cliff side. 

“So you would take me back to the First Order as a prisoner,” he spat. The helmet nodded once, controlled.

“Recondition you. See that your mind is for the First Order, not for this ragtag bunch.”

“I will never serve the First Order!” he shouted. She seemed to sigh and raised her blaster higher.

“Then you will die.”

“Drop your weapon!” A voice screamed from above and shot a warning bolt near Phasma’s feet. To her credit, she barely flinched, glancing up to see a ring of Resistance fighers, blasters aimed at her. A moment later, four fighters jogged into the cul de sac, weapons pointed at her. One fighter reached out and tugged the blaster from Phasma’s hands. 

Finn marched toward her and plucked off her helmet. His eyes widened when he saw a young woman gazing back at him, tousled blond hair slicked with sweat. He had never seen her face before and took in the scars, the exhaustion and he could swear pride. 

“You lured me here,” she murmured. “Excellent work,  _ Finn.” _ Finn nudged his chin toward two of the soldiers. 

“Put her in cuffs, take her to the transport ship. Four people on her at all times,” he ordered before stopping to look her in the eyes. “You didn’t make me, Phasma. This has always been who I was.” With that, he picked up his blaster and followed a line of the fighters back to the city. 

“Two minutes to denotation,” a voice crackled over the comm and Finn picked up his pace. 

  
  


Rey kept her lightsaber handle in her hand as they rounded the corner to the Library, a soft pressure building in her head, unsettling her. She heard Luke gasp as he took in the rows and rows of data discs, the lines of work stations--all the knowledge he had sought and had only gathered in bits and pieces.  A thin older man waited for them, a blaster in hand. 

“Master Snoke awaits you,” he sneered. They began to walk toward the doors when he fired at Rey. She leapt back, the blaster sliding past her, a warning shot.

“Only the traitor. Not you two.”

“You can’t keep us here,” Luke said calmly. 

“Watch me,” Nu seethed. Almost in a flash, he tossed aside the blaster, whipping out a yellow blade and stabbing toward Luke. He was surprisingly spry for an old man, his blaster moving quickly between Kylo and Luke’s. The two men stood on either side, battling with him. With a snarl, Nu shoved Kylo up and away, his body crashing into a row of discs. Luke slid his blade forward and nicked Nu, the old man howling and kicking out. 

Rey did not join in, the soft voice beckoning her, whispering her, morphing into a gentle plea of a mother for her daughter.  _ Rey, is that you? I’m so sorry we left you on Jakku!  _ The voice cried.  _ Come to mother! I miss you my love _ . It weaved its way through her mind, seductive, closing off reason with cries for love. Rey struggled to think, her mind thick, flooded with a mother demanding her. 

Her heart racing, Rey walked entranced toward the dark doors off the side of the library. She tried to fight against the compulsion, a part of her knowing it was a trick, but another, the small girl within cried out for her mother. Images filled her mind of a baby Rey being rocked by her mother, snuggling together, her mother kissing her on her forward and lifting her laughingly into the air. Rey’s heart hitched as the images of cuddling at night, a fire crackling in the a home, assaulted her. 

“Mommy?” she whispered as she slipped into the dim room. At the end sat a slim figure, cracked and grey but Rey saw a woman much like her, long brown hair, clad in a gown, her arms open.  _ Come to Mother, my daughter, _ she said, her smile bright. Rey raced forward, tears spilling out. Too bad Rey did not join Kylo with in his meditations. She would know that it was not her mother at the end, but Snoke. And Snoke was nothing but a mouth, a black hole that fed on the Force.

She jumped into her mother’s arms, her fingers reaching through air and encountering the skeletal Snoke, his power rushing through her, and she let out a wail, her eyes going blank as he grabbed her wrist, swallowing her mind whole, before her knees buckled and she slid to the floor, her heart silent. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me. 
> 
> There's one more chapter left and who knows what will happen??? (Well, I do)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

Kylo’s heart shattered, his stomach dropping out as he felt Rey slip away from him, a weak link sliding away from him. Bellowing, he chopped Nu’s head off, nearly taking Luke’s other hand with it, and slammed into the doors separating Snoke’s chambers from the main room. Snoke stood, Rey folded at his feet. He was almost glowing, the cracks in his skin filled in, his head fully restored.

Kylo snarled and darted forward only to be repelled by a blast of Force lightning.

“Oh no, Benjamin Solo,” the old man growled, his voice booming in the empty room. Kylo groaned and rolled over to his side, sparks flickering over his body, his bones aching. “You betrayed me. You were planning on keeping the girl for yourself.”

“I thought you needed both of us to balance the Force,” Kylo wheezed as he sat up. Luke stopped behind him, his blue eyes cool and calculating. Snoke’s attention snapped from his apprentice to the master.

“Luke Skywalker,” he hissed. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.”

“You won’t turn me to the Dark side,” Luke vowed. Snoke chuckled darkly.

“So said your father before you. And look what happened to him,” he gestured widely and pulled out a lightsaber from beneath his cloak. Luke stepped around Kylo, flicking on his blade, approaching Snoke with measured steps. Kylo rolled to his knees, crawling toward Rey, ignoring the sudden clash of lightsabers. The room vibrated with their power, power and life he knew was stolen from Rey.

Kylo was almost sobbing by the time he reached her, her pulse thready and weak, a blue tinge to her lips. He cradled her head in his lap and touched his forehead to hers, hot tears dripping onto her face. The bond between was faint, flickering, fading and he focused on it, pushing life into her. He imagined the Force traveling along it, a golden beam that eased into her body, helped her struggling heart. She breathed deeply, once, before the rattle in chest sounded clearly again.

Kylo gulped, his mind racing until he remembered Roth’s half muttered words from a week ago. _Imagine all of the traces of yourselves that exist in these universes. And what holes you are creating, stepping through. Every action has an opposite and equal reaction._  His eyes widened, reaching for the possibilities. The fighting behind him was dim, the clear banter of Luke and the snarls of Snoke as they moved around the chamber. Kylo closed his eyes and let himself fall into the Force, fall into the cracks he could see between the universes.

And through them he pleaded--just offer a bit of yourself, please.

In another life, Regina diSarto lounged in bed, her lips pressed against the temple of her young soon to be wed lover. She felt a pull in her belly, a sudden tear rolling down her cheek. She lifted her arm up and whispered--take a bit of me--before her eyes rolled back and she fell into a deep sleep, not perceiving a slip of gold lifting off of her.

In another life, Raleigh reviewed the numbers one last time, unsure if the formula was right. Her body still burned with the memory of Renard’s chest pressed against hers, her thighs still wet with memory. She mutters--take a bit of me--before slumping against a stool, sweat beading on her forehead. Eyes widening, she scrambled to take notes, not heeding a bit of her separating itself and sliding toward the stars.

Rachel Kushner pushed her bike forward, her lips ringing with her sloppy kiss, her chest constricting when she saw her mother standing at the door, tapping her foot, face pinched. She didn’t want this life, she thought faintly, and hoped again for another. She heard the roar and felt the metal beast crunch against her tires, trying to eat her. She desperately cried out--take all of me--and knew her soul slide away as her body fell to the pavement.

Each of the lives, in every universe, offered a bit of them and Kylo grasped it, greedily, chanting his thanks twisting it through him, his body bowing back as the Force raced through him and into Rey, her veins glowing with its power.  But it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough, her heart still struggling, the growing within her sucking the power, and he knew.

“Take all of me, my love, and be happy,” he whispered before severing the link within his body. Her heart raced, her cheeks bloomed pink and a star went nova, her life hers again.

Rey’s eyes fluttered open, her chest heaving. She groaned as she sat up on her elbows, taking in the blurry forms of Luke and someone else--gangly and grey--dueling at the far reaches of the room. She turned her head and saw Kylo slumped next to her. She reached out, shook his shoulder, panicing that the bond that pulsed between them was silent, her mind grappling with its loneliness. She knew she was screaming and wondered why, bent over him.

“Why, Ben, why?” she moaned, pulling his head onto her lap. Luke finished Snoke with a twirl, his blade slicing the beast in half, a flash of pure light filling the room, nearly blinding Rey. She buried her face in Kylo’s chest.

And heard him inhale. Once. Twice. Then again. Sobbing, she hugged him to her, but wondering why the bond was still silent.

  


Three Days Later….

 

Rey sat beside Kylo’s bed, his eyes still closed, his mind locked in a coma. He had somehow sustained major damage, severe internal hemorrhaging, and brain swelling. Luke had worked on him in the chambers before hustling with them back to the rendezvous spot. She had not budged from his side since they met with the medical ship, Luke off with his sister and other galactic leaders to handle the major victory over the First Order.

Finn had stopped by, had spent some time with her, but had work of his own to reverse the work of the First Order conditioning. He was mourning the death of his aide, Gissa, who died in her first battle, taking the blame on himself for some failing Rey could not perceive. Poe joined him, forlorn at the number of pilots lost in the battle. She knew they were co-habbing together, saw Poe tenderly kiss Finn and pull him into a comforting embrace. The price was too high for the reward, she thought dimly.

She was reading a manual on the TIE fighters when Leia came in, her face dawn, bearing two cups of caf. Rey took it gratefully.

“Yours is decaf,” Leia said quietly as she sat next to Rey who stiffened. Leia’s eyes didn’t leave the younger woman’s face as she asked: “When did you know?”  Rey said nothing, placing the caf on the bedside table, holding her hands in her lap.

“Suspected when my datapad when off at Roth’s indicating that my birth control stims needed to be replaced. Was sure when we arrived on the ship three days ago.”

“How far along are you?”

“Not far. Four standard weeks.” Leia said nothing, merely taking Rey’s hand and enveloping it with two of hers.

“Whatever you want, Rey, I will be here for you.” Rey choked back the tears rising in her throat and turned away. Murmuring softly, Leia pulled her into her arms, kissed the top of her head, repeating that it would be ok.

“Mom? Why is Rey crying?”Kylo choked.

“Ben!” Rey exclaimed, leaping up and sliding next to him on the bed. “You’re awake.” He groaned, squeezed his eyes shut.

“Jeez, Rey, your voice. Stars,” he muttered, his voice thick. Rey offered him a drink of water through a straw as Leia raced down the hall to bring in a med droid. After an examination, they pronounced him healthy and he reclined in bed, listening to Rey explain all that happened. His eyes were brighter, she noticed, and he devoured the plate of food that Leia ordered in.

“And the baby?” he asked around a mouth of eggs. Rey stilled and he smiled. “I felt it when you were dying.”

“Seems ok,” she said cautiously. “But I’m not sure what happens next.” He smiled again, grasping her hand in his and raising it to brush his lips over her knuckles.

“Me neither. But we’ll figure it out. Together. No more running.”

“That has its consequences, Ben,” Leia warned.

“Ben Solo is dead. So is Kylo Ren. I perceive someone new in front of me,” Luke said as he stepped in. “Got a name kid?” Kylo said nothing, gratitude flooding him, Rey and Luke both pinking under the weight of it.

“Kal. Kal Solo,” he said finally.

“Ok, Kal,” Rey breathed as she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “You owe me a vacation.”  Leia wiped away a tear, turning into Luke’s arms. He escorted her out to the sounds of the two lovers planning their lives together, in a new galaxy, a new one that they would forge.

  


A Year Later

 

Rey found herself sitting on the patio, rocking her daughter back to sleep. She sighed softly as Kal walked out and handed her cup of tea. She slid the baby into his waiting arms and took a deep sip of the tea. Together they stood, watching the sun set, the grass of the plains waving in the night breeze. Roth’s snore drifted from the open window upstairs and Rey couldn’t hold back a chuckle. The scientist had arrived on the heels of the birth of the child and had promptly taken over, tinkering with the old house, building a new cradle for the baby, arguing amicably with Leia, overseeing her house’s construction a few hundred meters away.

 

Their Force bond had silenced so that they could only get the barest sense of one another. Luke worked with them to enhance it but both Rey and Kal understood why it existed. Why all the lives had been shown to him and to which he was grateful. He found himself wondering what happened to the other Kal. Rey found herself waking up at night, memories of other lives following her into sleep. Some memories, to both of their delight, turned out to be for both of their benefits, especially as she found herself tying him to bed one night, running a fur glove over his chest, discovering her body more limber than she could imagine.

  
He snorted as if he heard her thoughts and she winked at him. Kal settled into the rocker next to her and reached out his hand to link with hers, the soft breathing of the baby brushing his cheek, contentment washing through them as night settled and the stars winked down in the darkening sky.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. I actually did not plan a happy ending but decided that I couldn't be too cruel. I did, however, write the other ending and you can find it on my Tumbler at HausCrashBurn. 
> 
> Link to alternate ending: [HausCrashBurn](http://hauscrashburn.tumblr.com/post/147165940115/alternate-ending-through-fractured-glass). 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with it. Your kind comments and kudos kept me going even when I believed this was becoming a hot melo mess. Thank you for helping me to finish it.


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